I yell during Redskins games. If you are a Redskins fan, you know why. It's been 16 years of painful football. Just awful season after awful season. So... I yell at the TV. The kids get a kick out of it and ask constantly "Why does daddy talk to the TV?" Even they, at their young age, understand that this is an exercise in futility.

Well, anyway, today Reagan was watching the 2nd half of today's installment of God-Awful Redskins football with me. (Brief tangent: I absolutely love when she watches the game with me. For one, it keeps me calm and helps me put things in perspective. Yes, I root for the worst football team in America. But, at the end of the day, it's just football and when the game is over, I still have my beautiful family to cheer me up.)

So, when Reagan came down, the first thing she did was draw me a picture and showed it to me proudly. It was this picture:



I took a look at it and told her how great it was and thanked her profusely, not really knowing what it was. She never bothered to explain it either.... she just handed it to me.

Anyway... Reagan was around, so I was on my best behavior and not yelling at the TV. Then, the Redskins did something dumb (of course they did... it's what they do best) and I spontaneously yelled something at the TV.

Just then, Reagan got a big smile on her face and grabbed the picture and put it in front of me... and then I realized what the picture was...

It's me yelling at the TV. Hilarious. At least she drew it with a smile on my face.

The Annual Christmas Card

It's that time of the year again. That duty of the Christmas season that I put off and put off and keep making excuses to my wife as to why I can't do it. That's right... it's time to take our annual Christmas picture for the Christmas card.

It wasn't always this difficult. When we first got married.... it was just the two of us. The digital photography revolution was not yet upon us. We would set up our old school film camera on the self-timer, take a handful of pictures and hope for the best.

Then, sometime before we had kids, we made the move to a digital camera. Now, in all fairness to Kelly... this was completely my doing. I wanted a new gadget and the digital camera just seemed like too cool of a thing to NOT have.... so... with much coaxing, Kelly finally approved the purchase. It was the December following that purchase when I started to dread the "Christmas" picture. Gone were the days of snapping a couple of pictures and hoping for the best.... because, now... you see... thanks to digital technology, Kelly had perfection within her grasp. And if there is one thing I know about Kelly... it's that if perfection is actually an attainable attribute... she's going to not just "strive" for it.... but insist on it (hence the reason she married me, of course).

So, what started to occur was the taking of picture after picture after picture until "perfection" was achieved. In actuality, all of the pictures would look the same to me... because... well, you know, they would be of the same 2 people over and over again.... and, I'm no Derek Zoolander....I've only got one smile. Maybe I'm just not that perceptive... but it seemed to me that we would take 20 shots and, in the end, just go with the first one anyway.

Then, of course, we added kids to the mix which made the task increasingly difficult (you trying getting 3 kids under the age of 5 and an easily distracted Dad to look at a camera that's set on a self-timer.... it's not so easy). But I love my wife dearly and it's important to her... so I happily oblige (after I've exhausted all my excuses) when Kelly is ready to take it.

Now, for this year's picture, Kelly would like me to point out that it ws over and done with only 3 shots -- a fact for which I am grateful (I'd like to take some credit for that because once we take one that Kelly sort of likes, I ride it like Seabiscuit and talk about how good it is... because, again, every picture looks the same to me). Also, I should have pointed out that we've gone to great lengths to try to make our Christmas card somewhat entertaining.... we've done top 10 lists, goofy newsletters, etc. This year, the card lists our top 10 reasons "the faircloth five will become the faircloth six in 2009". I think it achieves the lofty goal I've set for myself of "mildly amusing."

One small problem, however. Though we ordered the cards over a week ago they have yet to be printed and Kelly is now stressing out that the cards ordered with this year's picture are not going to get here in time. To me, this isn't a concern... we'll just mail them when we get them and if our friends and family get them after Christmas.... no big deal. Besides, it's only the 9th and there's plenty of time for them to arrive. But, apparently, the earth just might stop spinning if that scenario were to occur.... so we must avoid that at all costs.

I actually called the place today and, after waiting on hold for a half hour, had a nice chat with them. They assure me they will be here in time. So, if you're reading this, it's probably safe to assume you are on the Faircloth Christmas card list. Let me assure you (because I'm sure you've been just worrying yourself sick about this) that you have not been deleted from our Christmas card list. You will receive your Faircloth Christmas card.... you will one day have that sinking feeling you get when your Faircloth Christmas Card does not arrive in your mailbox replaced with pure joy.... and you will one day find out the "Top 10 reasons the Faircloth Five will become the Faircloth Six in 2009"...

And when that day comes... look at that picture of our family... of my gorgeous wife... my beautiful kids.... and, of course, of me.... and know that at that very moment that picture was taken... I'm praying that this picture will be the "one" deemed worthy enough by my bride to appear on our annual Christmas card.

It's (going to be) a Boy!

This is going to be our fourth child. And since it's our fourth, there are certain steps in this 9 month process that I have come to expect and anticipate... they go something like this:

• Kelly will tell me she's pregnant (usually while giggling)
• I'll enter into a brief panic
• We'll go to the doctor and the doctor will tell Kelly a bunch of stuff
• The only thing I know about this initial doctor visit is that they give me a big bill to pay
• My adorable (and, when it comes to buying something for herself, frustratingly frugal) wife will try to wear old stretched out maternity clothes and refuse to buy anything new
• I will force Kelly to buy new maternity clothes
• I will join Kelly at the Dr's again, this time to find out the sex of the baby
• Kelly will cry at the site of the ultrasound
• I'll sit there puzzled and answer "you sure?"... when the Dr. says "this is the head" or "this is an arm"
• Kelly will enter the final months of pregnancy...
• and then, finally, the baby will come and the real work begins

Well, anyway, today.. we hit that stage of the process where we found out the sex of the baby. As is her custom, Kelly cried her eyes out at the site of our little guy... which, for me, is sweet to see the immense love she has for the baby that she is carrying. I, on the other hand, am an emotionless shell of a man that has to feel, touch, and wrestle with my baby before I can truly bond with him.

At any rate, the results are in and it's going to be a boy! Since I refused to discuss names until I knew the sex (other than wanting Winnie Cooper if it was a girl -- a battle I would have lost horribly, by the way), we now have to do the work of finding a good boy name. This is trickier than you might think... because I want a name that means something. For example... our first three:

• Reagan: She was, naturally, named after the character played by Linda Blair in the Exorcist (you know... the spinning, puking head). OK... so... maybe not... Reagan was named after Ronaldus Magnus... The Great Communicator... that's right... Ronald Reagan.
• Luke: Named after someone the ladies loved.... someone that could shoot a bow and arrow to get out of trouble... someone who refused to bow to the unjust demands of "johnny law"... someone who refused to open his car door to enter it.... that's right... Luke Duke. OK, not so much. His name was influenced by the fact that we were studying the gospel of Luke at church during that time (but that's not nearly as good of a story as 'Luke Duke').
• Will: No jokes here.... Will's first name is after Kelly's father and his middle name (Charles) is after my father. Those are two men who Kelly and I are the utmost respect for and it was an honor to be able to name him that (thankfully, neither was named Wilbur.... or Sally, for that matter).

OK... so, you see, we have kind of a standard set. Kelly was looking through baby names this evening and ruled out the following names: Nuno, Shaka, Doggie (a real Scottish-origin name), Chineze (ironically enough, an African name), Dong-Yul (no one... I repeat.. no one... should name their kid 'dong'... in fact, this name literally translates to Christmas Weener... and that's just not cool to name your kid Christmas Weener... you know?), Ding Bang, Boy (a bit impersonal, no? an actual name of English origin), Duck Young, Eachthighern (huh?) and Ed (just because)....

Other than that.... the sky is the limit. Please forward me your wonderful and meaningful baby boy names ... I'm all ears.

We love Sarah Palin

When Reagan got home from school today, she had a sticker on her shirt that said "I Voted!" I (Kelly) immediately started asking her questions. I wasn't sure who she's heard Scott and I talk about or who she would actually vote for at school. So I asked her, "Well, who did you vote for?" And she said, "Sarah Palin! Her name was on there! It really was!!!" I love that she's picked up on our conversations at home about how much I love Sarah Palin and think she is so awesome. I said, "Well, did it say John McCain too?" And she said, "John McCain???" Ha! I love it!

Tater Tot Casserole

I met with my friend Jason last week at Fireworks Pizza in Leesburg (a great little place, by the way). Jason is a former co-worker and we share the same sense of humor and an admiration for good beer (Fireworks has a great selection)... so it was fun to get together with him over a few. Anyway, when we worked together, I used to joke that I was going to be making the 'tater tot casserole' just like the Duggars one day. A totally inside joke that only a few people would get because they would have had to (1) watched an obscure show on cable featuring a family with a billion kids and (2) remembered that this family LOVED tater tot casserole. Well... anyway... Jason got the joke (you can see why I enjoyed working with him).

As you know, we are expanding to four kids... So, when we got together... Jason pulled a folded piece of paper out and said "i got you a little something..." Having no idea what it was -- but knowing full well it was some kind of joke -- I cautiously opened the paper. Written inside? That's right, THE recipe for tater tot casserole. So, for your reading enjoyment, or if you ever have 20 kids... I submit to you the aformentioned tater tot casserole (copied word for word -- with my comments in paranthesis -- from the recipe provided by Jason, presumably pulled from the Duggars website or something):

2 lb ground turkey cooked, seasoned, drained (because tater tot casserole is all about your health)
3 2 lb bags tater tots (that's right 3 freaking bags!)
2 cans cream of mushroom
2 cans evaporated milk (evaporated milk always troubles me... if it's 'evaporated'... why does it then slosh around in the can? I've never actually opened one of those cans to find out the 'real' story)
2 cans cream of chicken
Brown meat & place in large (you think?) casserole dish
Cover with tater tots (this cracks me up..not sure why). Mix soup & Milk together.
Pour over top. Bake at 350 for 1 hour
One of Daddy's favorites! (apparently Mr. Duggar loves it... I think we can now safely conclude that tater tots increase virility... in fact, if you look at the side of the package of tater tots, it probably now says: "if you experience an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, call your doctor")
Makes 2 - 9X13 pans

Well... there you have it. I suppose you could 1/2 the recipe... but, then again... tater tot casserole is probably so darned good, you'd better double the recipe.

Can Someone Please Explain...

Can someone... anyone... please explain why my wife is addicted to those shows on TLC where they have 20,000 kids. You know what I'm talking about... John & Kate Plus 8 or the Duggars... anyway... here are my thoughts:

• I just don't get it.
• I usually refuse to watch it.
• The last thing I want to do after a long day at work and then putting my own kids to bed is watching someone else's whiney kids.
• Mine are all I can take (not to say that my kids are whiney... but, trust me... they have their moments).
• She's watching one right now... and she thinks she's sneaking it in while I bang away on the computer.
• Secretly, she's hoping that I keep typing away so that she can keep watching it.
• We only have one TV and only watch shows together.
• On Monday nights, Kelly tries to Tivo Jon & Kate and Dancing with the Stars at the same time... which means I can't watch anything else.
• Monday nights have only meant one thing in my 32 years on this earth... that's right... Monday Night Football.
• Dancing with the Stars gets the boot, Monday Night Football wins that battle.
• I think our Dr. is concerned we're headed for our own show on TLC.
• She told Kelly at her first appointment that "she should start thinking about what kind of birth control to use now" after this pregnancy.
• That Dr. is very lucky I was not at that appointment.
• I would have kindly... but firmly let her know that we have retained her services to monitor the health of Kelly and to deliver a healthy baby and we do not need nor solicit her non-medical advice.
• I'm kind of sad I wasn't there when she said that.... I enjoy righteous indignation.
• I think if they just had a cable channel called: "Big Ass Families".... I'm quite certain that Kelly would watch it... 24/7.
• Lastly... I'm still waiting.... someone please explain to me the appeal of these shows.... anyone?? Bueller?

Blog Name Change

Let me answer the questions in advance:

(1) No, we are not Mormons
(2) No, we are not Catholics
(3) Yes.... we know what causes "it"
(4) No, we are not trying to get our own show on TLC
(5) Yes, we know how much they cost
(6) No, we're not trying to field our own little league team
So.. if you haven't figured it out by now.... The Faircloth Five is excited to let everyone know that we will now be the Faircloth Six... well... actually... I don't want to give up that alliteration... so, I'm thinking we'll be the Faircloth Five plus one .... and that's what brings me to answer the oft-asked questions....

7) Yes, we will change the name of the blog

From this point forward... the Faircloth Five blog will now be The Faircloth Five (plus one)... unless, of course, you have any better suggestions.

So... I've been a bit busy working some things out once we received the news...so I'll post an update tomorrow... which may or may not include the following topics... if you feel strongly on one or the other... just let me know:

• Stocks down, Redskins up


• Oktoberfest in Arlington w/my Brother-in-Law -- without Adult Supervision.


• You bought a pregnancy test from where?


• How to turn a Ford Fusion into an 8 passenger SUV w/o breaking a sweat


• The creepiest pro-Obama youtube video -- EVER!!! (I could have had about 100 politically motivated posts... but didn't want to dirty up the blog.)


• Facebook killed my blog


• Flashback: How to get ejected from a Redskins game (hint: you really have to make an effort)


• Flashback #2: Did I really cry after a Redskins victory over Dallas in 2005 (it's not what you think -- reminded by this after Redskins spanked the Cowboys last week)

OK... so.. that's just some of what's in the pipeline... I'll knock the best ones out first.... I wish I knew how to post a poll... then you (all 4 of you) could vote and I'd know which one to do next... barring a last minute technological breakthrough, however, you'll just have to be at my mercy.

Like Father, Like Son

Luke has really been into scratching himself in that place that all guys seem to like scratching themselves. Well, I learned long ago that Kelly HHHHHHHHHhaaates that, so I keep that as an after hours activity (as in, after Kelly has retired for the evening) or just don't do it at all. Well.. Luke is young and hasn't learned his mothers' disdain for this activity... and just does it all the time. Seriously... all the time... it's like he has some jock itch form of Tourette's.

And, my theory is to just tell him to stop... I mean... you don't want to scare him and tell him it's going to fall off if he keeps it up or anything along those lines.... Eventually, he'll just stop... there's only about 10% of the male population that continues this scratching practice in public through adulthood (you know who I'm talking about.... the salesman that comes into your office that grabs his junk obsessively as if it's some kind of nervous tick.... err... at least you hope it's a nervous tick)...

So, tonight when we're putting them to bed, he rips off his clothes and immediately starts scratching himself... well... you know... there. Anyway... Kelly is just exasperated and says: "Luke! Stop scratching your penis! Unless you are in the bathroom... DON'T DO IT!" Now, I'm not sure why it's allowed in the bathroom and not elsewhere... you'll have to ask Kelly about that one... I'm just reporting on the facts here...

So, being the well-behaved boy that he is, he stops and simply says: "OK, Mommy" and gets ready to read his bedtime story.

Kelly then begins reading to Reagan and Luke a story in the hallway (just outside of their rooms).

In the middle of one of the stories, Luke stops Kelly and says: "Mommy... can you pause the story... I need to go to the bathroom to scratch my penis."

Ahh... so proud... we're raising such a well-behaved (and very literal) young man! (And... for the record...I'm dreading the google hits that this story is going to get)

Reagan's First Day of Kindergarten

Hmmm.... not real sure where to start. Today was Reagan's first day of Kindergarten. Naturally, this meant that this morning was a big hot mess complete with lots of tears. Kelly was... how can I put this... well, a basket case (no worries...much like the peasant who was turned into a newt in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, she "got better"). Luke was not happy at all and was crying because he did not want his sister to go to school (Reagan and Luke have a very unique and sweet bond). And Will cries whenever Reagan or Luke cries (for real cries). So, the only members of the Faircloth family handling the situation like men were me and Reagan. Now, don't get me wrong... I felt a range of emotions and was worried/happy/sad/proud of my little girl... whatever you want to call it. I don't think the English language has a word that encompasses what that emotion is. But whatever it's called... I was dealing with it. But the difference between Kelly (as a woman) and me (as a guy) is that I have the unique ability to not indulge those emotions to the point of tears flowing from my eyes.

So...Girls/Ladies of the world...there's a takeaway to this story...and it's how to properly deal with times like these... and, it's real simple to do. You take any emotion you're feeling. Any pain... any concern... or any worry... and you package it up in this nice virtual ball... and then you punt it as far away as you can. That way, you never have to deal with it. And, let me tell you... it works. You should try it sometime.

Now, on a serious note... If I can, for just a brief moment, retrieve that package that I've punted to the far corners of my brain... I worry about her. I want her to make friends. I worry about kids being mean to her. I want her to do well at school. I worry about what she'll learn. I want her to use the gluesticks properly and not eat the paste (or rub it on her face like Mrs. Lippy in Billy Madison)....anyway... you get the idea. So many things to worry about that threaten to make me prematurely grey.... So, I'm just not going to sweat it... I'm going back to punting.

I love my miniature HDTV

I always wanted a big screen to watch my Redskins games on (and any other sports, for that matter). A couple of years ago, Kelly gave me permission to go look at them. Naturally, that was all the go-ahead I needed and I bought one. Once I picked Kelly's mouth off the floor after coming home with the new monster TV, she eventually grew to love it. Now, though I bought the big screen to watch sports on... I also intended to watch other stuff on it. Why then, now a full 2 years later, do I watch other shows on a super-small mini version of my big screen...

Well... let me explain... it goes back to the "if you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to want a glass of milk theory"... so... basically.... once I got the HDTV I needed to get the HD service to my house. And then once I got the HDTV service, it's only an extra $5 a month for the HD DVR... so, you've got to have that as well... right? Well, of course. Except, I overlooked one small detail. I never anticipated Kelly falling head over heels in love with the DVR.

For those that don't have DVR.... it is a MUST HAVE... that much is certain. Both Kelly and I can't imagine life without it. You can pause live TV, skip the commercials, record your favorite shows and watch them on your time... it's been great. The only problem is that you don't have unlimited storage... you have a finite amount....about 100 hours.... and this is where Kelly's personality traits come into play.

You see... Kelly is an order-freak, clean-freak... whatever you want to call it. So, just as she obsessively keeps the house in order (for which I... a reformed slob.... am eternally grateful), she is always obsessively clearing up the DVR. Adding shows, deleting shows, setting preferences... you get the idea. I think Kelly fears that if we ever get over 50% capacity on the DVR, the thing might explode or maybe she thinks a baby seal gets clubbed somewhere... I'm just not sure... but what I do know is that something is getting deleted and something is getting adjusted.... because that's simply unacceptable to Kelly. Now... the problem with that, you say? Well... now my large glorious HDTV is reduced to a small 19" or so viewable portion at the top of the screen. Yep, that's right... this is what I'm viewing:

That little viewable area in the corner is mine. The other 95% of the TV... that's for Kelly to do her DVR maintenance.

It's so bad that Kelly was even deleting stuff off a DVR that we were about to replace the next day (we switched from Verizon FIOS to Dish TurboHD... another story for another day). Even after I pointed out to her the hopelessness of making any changes... she just couldn't help herself.... she had to do her DVR house cleaning... and I got my 19" in the top corner.

Well... anyway I love my wife dearly and if that's all I have to put up with than I'm a blessed man.... and... because of that.... I'm happy to have my minature HDTV viewing corner.

Working Out

"...But, that's neither here nor there..."

If you just heard someone say that... it's a guarantee that you just heard some gossip immediately preceding those words.

For example, "Scott is such a fatty... but, that's neither here nor there..."

Well... I decided I never wanted to give someone the opportunity to say that... so, last week, I decided to start working out. Now, don't get me wrong... I stayed active before. I played softball twice a week and golfed when I could. I also walked to the printer from my desk...sometimes taking several of those trips per day (depending, of course, on my printing needs for that day). That is at least 20 steps.... so, roundtrip, we are talking a solid 40 steps. Multiply that by several trips a day and I must have walked 1/10th a mile or more each day. That's some serious exercise right there. Other than that I would just workout on a schedule that worked for me... that is.. I would just work out when I felt like it. Problem is, it had been about 2 years since I last felt like it.

So, anyway... I joined the Gym. Everyday Fitness in Lansdowne to be exact. It's right on my way to and from work... so, it can mock me as I drive past if I ever lose motivation and stop going. I thought that might help... but.. we'll see... maybe not. Kelly has been going there for a year and a half or so, too... so the negotiating process was pretty painless. Basically, they wanted me to commit for 2 years to get Kelly's price (which she was one of the first to join... so, it's pretty low). I told them I "had questionable dedication and a short attention span" and that I could only commit for one year (really... I said that... I just looked it up on my email to confirm). So, that apparently was enough to get them to back down. One year commitment at Kelly's same rate.... yahoo... once that chore was completed I was well on my way to health and wellness (or whatever buzz word they call it these days).

Alrighty then... so, today was my first day. I didn't want to look stupid and do one of those machines wrong... so, I had decided before I went in that I would run on the treadmill first and watch others and see how they did it. So, I walk in and head straight for the treadmill... I'm quick to get the thing going so that I can start acting like I belong. As I'm running, I remember my sole purpose for doing the treadmill first was so that I could observe.... however, small problem.... treadmill is facing the wall. Well, there went that idea... so I just commit to the treadmill and keep on going. These treadmills have a little TV attached to them... but I could never get mine to work... and, seriously, it was really hard to try to hit those little buttons while running and breathing so hard. So I gave up on that, too.

Once I was done with that, I moved on to the machines and started pumping some serious iron. Okay... so, maybe it wasn't serious. Well, for the most part, I knew how to use the machines... so no worries there.

Upon concluding my workout, I shower and head into work... and start feeling like I'm going to puke. It took me probably one hour to fully recover. I really just wanted to put my head on my desk and take a nap.

Well, I've got to go, because Kelly just made me some brownies to celebrate my first day of working out. Work out, eat brownies.... I just might be on to something.... but... that's neither here nor there.

Collection of Thoughts

Uh Oh... My Daughter's not going to be a vegetarian, is she?: Conversation at the dinner table tonight between Kelly and Reagan (my 5-year old daughter) during a dinner that featured ham:

Reagan: "Where does ham come from?"
Kelly: "From a pig."
Reagan: "I don't like eating animals"
Kelly: "I don't like eating animals, either... but they're yummy."

Reagan, accepting this, then takes a bite of her ham.

Man... dodged a bullet there... Reagan comes from a long line of prolific carnivores and I was worried she would tarnish the Faircloth name. Thankfully... she, too, realized the inherent yumminess of animals.

Facebook: I did it. I succumbed to peer pressure... I signed up for Facebook. I'm oddly obsessed... I'm collecting friends like the old crazy lady down the street is collecting cats. I just can't stop myself. I do feel a sense of satisfaction once a friendship becomes "acknowledged" through facebook... it gives it a sense of officiality. So, if you're reading this and aren't my friend on facebook... time to come on board.... I need more friends.... I feel like I'm in a contest... but can't quite figure out yet with whom..... or how to win for that matter.

New Vacuum Cleaner: It might seem like nothing to blog about... but we got a new vacuum cleaner. However, what I love about Vacuum cleaners is the way with which you can describe it. For example... "this new vacuum SUCKS!" or "Man, this vacuum really SUCKS!" or "This Vacuum SUCKS more than any other vacuum I've ever used." Which, of course, all are complimentary of said vacuum because it's sole job is to, in fact, suck. It's that little bit of irony that I find endlessly entertaining.

Well... that's it for now... time to go digging for more friends on facebook.

Baby Got Back!

A little secret about Kelly. She knows all the words to "Baby Got Back!"...seriously... ask her to sing it to you one day. Now.. I've always hated the urban edge to that song... it just never hit my musical palate. The words... now.. the words were just so impactful and spoke to me... I mean, seriously... "I want 'em real thick and juicy" has to be on a lyrical par with the great songs of the last century, such as "Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away." Well... now finally someone has come along and put those masterful words to a more folksy-style of music that I am accustomed to hearing. Enjoy!

Josh Hamilton is Good

I know... 2 blogs in one night... crazy. Anyway.... so, I'm watching the Home Run Derby on ESPN and Josh Hamilton just unloaded on the ball and hit 28 home runs in one round. Now, these were not just frozen ropes that barely made it over the right field wall. THEY WERE BOMBS!!!! Several of them were over 500 feet. I can't fathom that kind of power. It was fun to watch.

So, the announcers keep alluding to how he overcame drug abuse and woke up one day and decided to turn his life around. I sensed something greater was going on, however, since one of the announcers was Chris "F-Bomb" Berman who wouldn't know the spiritual side to a story if it slammed him in the face. So, since, I had never heard Hamilton's full-story before... I google him... and it turns out he has an amazing personal testimony on how the grace of Jesus Christ impacted his life. It's really a wonderful story. You can google it, as I did... or check out this ESPN article here.

Epilogue: Josh Hamilton didn't end up winning.... he was clearly fatigued from bombing so many in the first round and the goofy Home Run Derby rules don't let the homers carry over from round to round. Still... the 28 he hit was the best display of hitting I've seen since Kelly and I saw Mark McGwire take batting practice before a Reds game one year (maybe 2000?)...

Good Stuff Eatery

I've now been in DC nearly 3 years.... and in those 3 years, I have had some great meals at some really nice restaurants (usually... well... almost always on someone else's dime). Capital Grille, Charlie Palmer's, Willow Creek Farm, Tuscarora Mill and Vidalia's are all some of better ones I've enjoyed. But, really, when push comes to shove... I'd really just like a great burger... and that's one reason I was excited to eat at Good Stuff Eatery this week.

Well, that's kind of a lie... I'm also a pop-culture addict and really went to this place because it's Spike Mendelson's new place. For those that don't know, Spike was (is) the fedora wearing chef from the reality TV show Top Chef... which... thankfully, I've already previously admitted to watching. Not ringing a bell? It's this guy:

So, anyway... here's the details of my visit. First off... get there early. We got there at 11:30 and the line was already snaked around the building. For those that know the Capitol Hill area, Good Stuff Eatery is on the same block as The Tune Inn and the Hawk n' Dove... just next to the Cosi... 303 Pennsylvania Ave, SE, to be exact. And for those that like to indulge their pop-culture leanings... yes, Spike is there... on-site... live and in-person.

So, even though we got there early... we still waited about 20 minutes just to get in the door. Well, wait was worth it because the burger I got was Ridddicccky-iculously good... that's really all you need to know. Ya.. it was that good. Messy.. just the way a burger should be... piled with an artery-clogging load of bacon. The name of the burger I got was the "Big Stuff Bacon Meltdown"... sounds good, doesn't it. Anyway, you can view the rest of the menu here... check it out... it's worth the wait.

Faircloth '08?

This is troubling... for those that have closely followed my career (ok... so, that's only Kelly)... I was recently quoted in an article for "Politics Magazine" and also got a cover story in "Winning Campaigns" magazine... certainly you read those right? Well, someone apparently did and were really impressed. Perhaps it they thought my article on Cost-cutting techniques for their campaign was very Presidential. I'm just not sure. Now, I come into work today and see this... which has really got me worried:

Golf Pictures

Here is Scott in his golf tournament uniform. Doesn't he look official? (and hot!)

AT&T National Report #2

OK... today's report is way better than yesterday's. First off, more players arrived, including Fred Couples, Davis Love III and Camilo Villegas (who the ladies love, by the way... and has huge biceps).

I talked at length with Charles Warren's caddie, who was really cool and was as interested in what I do as I was about what was going on there. As he waited for Warren to arrive (about 10 minutes), we talked about all kinds of things. Given all of the inflated egos out there... it was refreshing to meet someone down to earth.

Also spent a good bit of time talking to a reporter from Golf Magazine. Fascinating talk with him about some of the players on the tour and what his insights were as far as their real personalities. He wrote an article recently on Aaron Baddellay, which you can check out here. I also fetched some Callaway XI's for Notah Begay (who is probably best known as Tiger Wood's teammate at Stanford).

My job for most of the day was to put out names signs as the players entered to hit balls on the range. This was easy for players that you recognized like Couples, Parnevik, Mayfair, Begay, etc... but some of these guys... the only way I could tell was by looking at the names on their bags... which are printed on the underside of the bags as you carry them. So, the trick was to discretely look at the names without the player seeing you. This was sometimes a difficult task and created for some funny moments as you wrench your body to try to catch a peek at the name. Thankfully, I never misidentified anyone...

Ok, then, at one point, I look over and Brian Mitchell is standing there on the railing. For those that don't know, Brian Mitchell is a former Redskin great that was loved by the fans (we'll forget about his stints w/the Eagles and Giants because those weren't his fault). Anyway, so I went up and introduced myself and had a short chat with him. He sounded genuinely excited to talk to me... which was weird... I'm not that exciting.

Alright... the most blog worthy moment of this came after I headed home. I decided to pick up some Phish Food Ben & Jerry's ice cream for Kelly as a way of thanking her for letting me go do all this crazy stuff. So, I go to Harris Teeter because it's on the way home. Well, Harris Teeter had Ben & Jerry's on sale for 2 for $6... so, naturally, I get two. Then, I head up to the line and realize I don't have one of those stupid VIC cards that gets me the "sale" price... No problem, I thought, because the cashier usually just scans theirs for me. Well, the "manned" lines were too long, so I go up to the self-checkout thinking I'll just ask someone that has their VIC card out to swipe their card for me.

Well, so, I get up there and look to the dude to my left to see if I can get his attention. Just as I look over....I realize it's Jason Campbell... ya... that Jason Campbell... Redskins Quarterback Jason Campbell. So, then I turn back real quick and a million thoughts go through my head. I CAN'T ask JC to scan his VIC card for me... I mean... he's a millionaire and I'll look so cheap and desperate by trying to save .75 by asking him to scan his card. So, instead, I look over and say the cheesiest thing I possibly could: "Hey Jason, Good Luck this year!"

GOOD LUCK This year...!!!!! What a dork. I could have TOTALLY made this an awesome blog entry by getting Jason Campbell to scan his VIC card for me.... but I copped out .... BIG TIME... and worse yet... all I could muster was "Hey Jason, Good Luck this year!" I carried a freaking watermelon... AGAIN.

Well, for what it's worth... he said "Thanks, Man."

So... that's my day.... more to report on Friday (I'm off' tomorrow.)

AT&T National: Report #1

I mentioned awhile back that I was on the volunteer committee for the upcoming AT&T National (what was known a month ago as the "Tiger Woods" Tournament... before he broke his leg and tore his ACL)... working the driving range... well, today was my first day "on the job".. here's the scoop:

I got to the range at 6 am and met my team. It's me... a 32 year old guy and a bunch of retired 65+ year old men. Which is cool... me and old dudes get along famously. I guess it's because I'm a bit of a throwback... happily married, go to church, wife stays at home with the kids, I'm respectful, yet self-effacing... oh.. and I can talk politics with the best of 'em. So... old guys love me... never had any issues there.

OK... so the cool part about working the range is that you get to see a pretty unique view of the players. Today was just a practice day and the first guy on the practice tee was Ben Crane at about 6:15. Never heard of him... right? Well, the dude has won $1.2 million for 6 months of work thus far this year (and $8 million over the past 4 or 5)... not too shabby. And that's what you learn quickly, these guys are ridiculously good at what they do... they are incredible at golf... every last one of them.

Then over the course of the day, essentially everyone came out... I'm only a casual golf fan, but I recognized Corey Pavin, Fred Funk, Jesper Parnevik, KJ Choi, Billy Mayfair, Stuart Appleby, (current Masters Champ) Trevor Immelman and (former Masters Champ) Mike Weir. Fred Couples, Jim Furyk, Rocco Mediate and a bunch of others are supposed to be there... but haven't seem them yet.

Here's the deal with the players... they all seemed pretty cool and signed lots of autographs for the kids. Their caddies seemed like a lot of fun, too. But the cockiest dudes out there are the manufacturer reps. What happens is that the golf equipment companies are there all pimping their products to the golfers.... Titleist, Adams, Callaway, Ping, etc, etc, etc. Well... those dudes' heads are so ginormous... I don't know how they hold them up. I had to ask one dude a question... and...wow... he was just so arrogant.... I think it's because I didn't follow "procedure".. with "procedure" of course meaning a slight genuflection and kissing of his 'ring' before speaking. There's a word for guys like this... but I'm not about to put it in writing. I can't wait to ask him another question tomorrow.

Anyway... more to report tomorrow. Kelly is going to be bored by these posts. But guys will like these... guaranteed.

Notes from the Northern Virginia Brewfest

It's a recipe for disaster. My brother-in-law (who once got ejected from a Redskins game that we went to together), me without Kelly to keep me in line.... and tons of beer. It's a fine line... it COULD be tons of fun.... or it COULD be a complete debacle. Thankfully, in this case it was ridiculously fun.

Here's the deal... I volunteered to pour beer for the Northern Virginia Brewfest at Morven Park in Leesburg last weekend. I'm not sure why, really... it just sounded like it would be alot of fun. However, I knew it would be more fun with someone that would also be of the opinion that pouring beer all day Saturday was a great idea. That's where my brother-in-law came in. I called him at the last minute. The conversation went like this:

Me: "Hey, Bryan, I'm volunteering at this Brewfest thing in Leesburg... I'll be pouring beer all day... It sounds like fun to me... 50 or so breweries will be there and we'll man the kegs. I think we probably can drink free beer too."

Bryan: "I'm in."

So... that part was pretty easy. Once we were there, we lobbied hard to get assigned to pour a microbrew and not get stuck with Coors light or something lame-o like that. Thankfully, we got Magic Hat Brewery which is based out of Vermont. Bryan was pouring Circus Boy (a Hef/Wheat Beer) and I was pouring the (as I would soon find out) wildly popular Magic Hat #9. Well, once we got our assignment.... here's where we really got full of ourselves.

We immediately start talking everyone up... which is kind of hilarious. When you're pouring, what is essentially, free beer... You become an absolute Rock Star. The fun was in meeting people... we had different objectives, though. Bryan (who is happily single) starts flirting with any woman under 40 (just to make them feel good, he says) and that was his deal. I just wanted to talk to some new people. I wasn't looking to 'make friends' necessarily... because, in reality... I've got enough friends (and can barely keep up with them), so... having some disposable friends for the day that I don't have to invest time into is a great idea (as long as you've got "real" friends, too). No pretense, no deep dicscussions... just cheap talk about nothing in particular over a decent beer.

Anyway... now that we are everyone's new best friend, in pretty short order we started to develop quite a line.... which attracted even more people. We tell everyone that will listen, "#9... Best beer here... tell your friends" (I mean, we really should have been put on the payroll... we were pimping Magic Hat quite respectably) ... and follow that up with plenty of "cheers" and "enjoy" after pouring their beer. In between, we would ask to no one in particular.. .. "everyone having fun?!!" and, then occassionally and for no reason, yelling "#9!!!!" and then cracking each other up. Anyway, people were really into it.. talking to us like we were old friends... one guy even went and bought us food. At least 2 people took their pictures with us. We even had regulars! It was surreal.

Oh, and people just assumed we worked for Magic Hat. At first, we told them we were just volunteers.... after awhile though, we just went with it. We'd tell people... "Magic Hat and Ben & Jerry's.... that what we're known for in Vermont"... Others would come up and talk to us about a particular city in Vermont and say they just got back from there... we'd answer something nebulous like "Great! Did you enjoy it? Cool... NEXT in line!"

One girl (who clearly was a global warming freak) asked us about the Hummer that was on display next to us: "Oh, tell me you didn't drive that here!" Which I answered... "We're from Vermont... of course that's not ours." (because, you know, everyone in Vermont drives old Volvo's that are converted to run on recycled vegetable oil).

Anyway... as you've probably already figured out... we were SOOOOOOOOOO full of ourselves.... I can't quite pinpoint why it was so much fun... but it really was. I told Kelly that it was the most fun I could imagine having without her... in fact, for the next one... I'm going to make sure we can do it together. The only drawback is that I was, literally, pouring beer in my dreams.... which isn't so fun. All in all.. I can't wait for the next one (in October)... if you're up for it... join me... check out the website: http://www.novabrewfest.com/

The Rare Kelly Post

Ok, so Scott keeps bugging me to post a blog. He says that I'm not pulling my weight. And he's right. But what the heck am I supposed to write about? I am a mom to 3 young kids. I do pretty much the same thing every single day....serve meals, clean them up, bathe & dress kids, give hugs & kisses, read countless books, go to the park, visit the library and play. Any ideas? Is there anything you 10 readers out there want to know?

You gotta fight for your right....to Potty!

Tonight after 10 years of marriage... I finally found the approved time for me to take a swampy... yes.. that's right... the approved time. Here is a sample conversation that could happen at various times of the day...

Time: Morning Before Work
Me: "I need to take a dump"
Kelly: "Do you have to? We barely get to see you in the morning."

Time: On visit home during lunch break
Me: "I really have to poop..."
Kelly: "Awww... do you have to now... you never come home for lunch... I don't want you to spend it in the bathroom..."

Time: Immediately After work
Me: "I've got to ride the porcelain pony..."
Kelly: "Babe! Do you have to go now? You just got home and I need to cook dinner."

Time: Right after putting kids to bed
Me: "Time to drop the kids off at the pool... gotta go"
Kelly: "Do you have to go now? Why did you wait until now... we just put the kids to bed."

OK... you probably think I'm joking... I'm not. If it were up to Kelly... I'd probably be dead by now of some disease caused by not doing what you need to do... I really can't win... she wants me to go at work like "every other man does"... but... I'm just not an office pooper... I like the privacy of my own home. So... that leaves me to have to do my business at home...

Well.. anyway.... here's how the conversation went tonight:

Time: Kelly went to bed early
Kelly: "I'm going to bed."
Me: "I took a nap today, so I'm not tired at all... I'm going to take a swampy."
Kelly: "OOOOOHHH. That's when you can go! After I go to bed!"

Hold the phone... did I just hear her say that was the perfect time... didn't catch any grief? It can't be... certainly I heard her wrong.... but still when I gotta go... I'm going to go... that's right... I'm going to fight for my right to Potty... and I'm not going to apologize for it. Sometimes... you just gotta man up.

The Parable of the Lost Best Buy Gift Card

OK... so this isn't really a parable... but I thought it made a great blog title. Anyway, the best way to start this story is to rewind to last Christmas. I had received a $200 Best Buy gift card from one of the vendors we deal with at my company. You know the deal... you spend some money with them every year and they want to keep you happy... so they hook you up around Christmas time. In the past 8 years, I've received my share of gift baskets, cookies, Omaha Steaks, Starbucks coffee assortments, etc. -- they start arriving right after Thanksgiving and continue until New Years Day. It's kind of cool at first, but toward the end, you start pawning the cookie baskets and tea and crumpet sets off on the others in the office. One gift that I actually kept, however, was the aforementioned $200 Best Buy card.

The only problem is that I didn't really "need" anything from there. I bought "The Office" Season 2 DVD set and something else, but still had about $150 on it. So, I just hung on to it. Now, it's important to note that one of my pet peeves is having a huge wallet. I don't want a George Costanza sized wallet. I like to keep it as slim as possible. So, needless to say, I didn't bestow upon the Best Buy gift card the coveted real estate that is my wallet. Instead, I would just carry it around in my front pocket. Now this was around Christmas time, so I had some other Gift Cards in my pocket at the same time.... probably another $100 worth from Macy's and other similar places.

Kelly would always tell me to put them in my wallet... and.. well, you know... coveted real estate... so I never did. As usual, I should have listened to Kelly because after a month of carrying them around in my front pocket.... I lost them. They, literally, just disappeared. I looked everywhere for them.... but they were no where to be found. Now think about this for a second... if you had two $100 bills in your pocket one day and then you lost them the next... you would be bummed. And, I was a bummed... but I got over it pretty quickly though and moved on.

Now... to complete this story, I have to give you some more background. Four or five years ago, Kelly and I were laying around my in-laws house when I heard something jingle in the couch cushions. Instantly, I dove into the couch cushions to see what kind of treasure was to be found... and, boy... was I ever glad I did. We scavenged $10 or $12 bucks out of those seat cushions. Each time I dove my hand further into the cushions I would pull out more and more quarters and each time Kelly would squeal with delight. It was ridiculous... the money just kept flowing. I fed into the frenzy and would dig around and try to pull up 2 quarters... .and when I succeeded I would give my best game show announcing voice and proclaim:

"TTTTTTwwwwwwwwwoooooooooo Quarrrrrrrrrrrttttttterrrrrrrrrssssssss!!!!!"

Toward the end... tired from laughing so hard and excited about our $12 windfall... we gave up and forgot about cushion diving for many years.

Then, last week, while taking a little stroll down memory lane I decided to do a little digging (besides... times are tough.... gas prices are kind of high, you know?) in the in-laws cushions to see what I could find. At first, I just pulled out a couple of pennies... but I knew there had to be the holy grail of all cushion finds -- the quarter -- in there somewhere. So I dug a little further... and felt something strange. It felt like a couple of credit cards... intrigued I slowly pulled them from their cushion confinement and there it was..... the long forgotten Best Buy gift card along with the other's I had lost months ago!!!!!

AH... how great is that? I then did what any self-respecting veteran of cushion coin diving would do... and proclaimed:

"Twoooooooooooooooooooo Quarrrrrrrrrtttttttttttteeerrrrs!!!!!" Which, to a rookie, might sound odd... but to a vet.. you know that yelling "Two Quarters" is the equivalent of "TOUCHDOWN!" no matter what you it is you might find... even a gift card.

You should have seen Kelly. She was so proud of her man (as she should be... I mean... have you ever pulled $200 worth of your own gift cards out of your in-laws furniture before??? I think not). So, anyway... moral of the story... check your in-laws seat cushions next time you visit and pray that you score BIG... just like I did.

Notes from the Week

A bunch of stuff went on last week... nothing completely 'blog-worthy', unfortunately. So, here's some news and comment from last week:

"Transformers" Trip: Every year, our church gets a group of guys together and we go on this trip rebuilding homes (putting on roofs, redoing drywall, building handicap ramps, etc). First off, the name of this trip would be enough for me to normally just say "no thanks"... I mean, I was never much into watching Star Wars or other such sci-fi movies as a kid (or now for that matter). Never once played Dungeon & Dragons... and while other kids were playing with their "transformers".... I was usually playing ball... so... needless to say... the word "transformers" immediately draws a negative reaction. However, don't let the name fool you. Tools are involved, my friends... and when tools are involved... count me in.... regardless of whatever name they may attach to it. It really was a great time and can't wait to go again next year.

My main observation is the interesting dynamic between guys that don't know each other. There is a cycle that we go through... and it's a very different cycle from women. For example, throw a bunch of women that have never met each other or just barely know each other in a 4 hour van trip. They will immediately be a bit stand-offish, but eventually enter into a painfully slow "getting to know you" process. This could take upwards of a decade.

Now, contrast that with a bunch of dudes in a similar situation (as was the case on this trip). The process goes something like this:

• Immediate Search for Common Ground: Guys move quickly to claim some common ground. That's why we immediately go to such things as our occupation, sports, politics, family lives, etc. This process can take about 2 to 5 minutes -- tops. Once common ground is firmly established (usually once we get to "sports"), we move to the next step.
• Serious Conversation: Theological discussions, difficult political issues, our fears and vulnerabilities with our families... these are some of the things we might discuss in phase 2 of this process, which takes the longest to complete.. about 15 minutes to a 1/2 hour. Once we get the serious conversation under our belt, we move to the next phase... which is...
• Making Fun of Each Other: This is the final and most crucial step to developing lifelong friendships. Guys are simply incapable of having a lifelong friendship if we don't move past "serious conversation"... at some point... we have to move on to busting on one another. If you find a friend that you can joan on and they can give it back... you've got a friend for life. I think this is probably the biggest difference between guys and girls. When I see these guys again in the parking lot at church, for example... I could totally yell out to them... "What's up Fat Boy!" and it would totally make them feel great. Now, if Kelly did the same and yelled "What's up Fat Girl!".... ya.. you get the idea... she'd have no girlfriends anymore. So, needless to say, the fourth and final step is...
• Lifelong Friendship: That's right... a lifelong friend can be made in 2 hours or less if you're a guy. Now, we won't call each other or email... sometimes for years.... but when we see each other again after those years... we'll ask "What did you do last night?" instead of "Tell me everything you've done over the last 700+ days". That way, we just pretend those 2 years never happened. It really works out well. Women of the world... you should try it... really.

Redskins Season Tickets: Well, it's official. Kelly and I are Redskins season ticket holders. Section 419, Row 15.... not the greatest seats in the place... but they are OUR seats... and that's all that matters. I can now check this off the list of things I want to do before I die. The other things on that list are: hmmmm..... I don't really have that list yet... check back in a few blog postings -- maybe I'll have something by then.

Sierra Nevada Summer Ale: Ah... such a delightful, summer crisp beer... you may recall I was lamenting the fact that gas prices were so high and how I bought an inferior brew last time out. Well, when I got back from the Transformers trip, Kelly had a six pack of this manna from heaven waiting for me in the fridge. What a wonderful surprise. A good, cold six pack of beer is a man's version of "flowers"... only with a much better function than "they just look pretty." Big ups to Kelly for being so thoughtful.

Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger Woods: I will be on the Volunteer Committee for the AT&T National Golf Tournament at the Congressional Golf Course in July. "Volunteer Committee" is a fancy way of saying I'll be free labor. But... this is TOTALLY worth it. This is a Tiger Woods tournament. I went last year as a regular ticket buying customer... but this year... I'll be working the players driving range. Not sure what all this entails... but... whatever... I'll be right there with some of the best players in the game... Tiger Woods, Ernie Els, Phil Mickelson, Vijay Singh, etc., etc., etc. As is my custom when I'm around "famous" people (or, more likely in my case, elected officials or TV political pundits), I'll completely ignore them and pretend that I belong there just as much as they do. I'll let you know how that goes.

Well, that's all for now. Hopefully, something really interesting and/or entertaining will happen in our lives so that I can post something better... keep checking back.... it's only a matter of time.

When you know it's worth it

I struggle constantly with whether I'm doing this parenting thing the "right" way. I want to do all the things my parents did "right" and improve upon the things that could have been better (at no fault of their own... they... like me... didn't inherit some magical "How to be a Good Parent" handbook). And, you know... I struggle with questions and doubts almost daily... Am I spending enough time with them? Am I showing them that I love their mother dearly and that her needs come first? Am I being firm with discipline while giving grace when grace is warranted? Am I passing down "character" traits to them that I want them to "inherit"? Am I teaching them and showing them by example what it means to be a "Christian" and that it's not a list of rules but, rather, living by grace through faith? Ahh... all these doubts, fears and realities make me second-guess myself all the time....

Well, today just before dinner.... Reagan said something very sweet to me. I've mentioned before that I whistle all the time. Anyway, Reagan said (about the weekend Kelly and I went to NYC)... "Daddy, when Uncle Aaron was here and you were gone, I liked when he whistled, because it made me think of you."

AHHH.... moments like that make you feel like you are doing something right and all of the hard work is worth it.... even if it only lasts until she pitches a fit over dinner.

OK... completely unrelated topic... well, it's related because it deals with Reagan. I wrote a few months ago that Reagan taught herself to read (yet another shameless link to a former blog entry). Well, today, she checked out a Junie B. Jones book at the library... she was very excited about this book because she read one that her cousin Caleb had (there are lots of them, apparently... kind of like a "Sweet Valley High" for 2nd graders) and it's a "chapter" book. Anyway... she read it today... the WHOLE stinking book.... AT NAP (or what we call "rest") TIME!!!! The whole thing! All 71 pages.... she just turned 5. So cute. Kelly had her call me at work and tell me that she read the whole thing.... and, my initial thought is that she just scanned it and didn't really "retain" anything... but... that's not the case at all... She gave me the entire blow-by-blow account of Junie B. Jones and her shenanigans. She's so smart... I often tell Kelly how I was in the "Dolphins" in first grade and then "Eagles" in second grade... they were the dumbest kids at reading... and I was glumped in there with them.... So, to tie this whole thing in with the "When you know it's worth it" title of the blog:

Knowing my daughter is not headed for the same mistakes of my youth... that makes it all worth it.

That's it for now... Kelly is watching the Bachelor right now on Tivo and I'm trying really hard... really, really hard not to make a smart ass comment such as the one saved for posterity here (the fourth and final link to a previous blog entry). Must. Resist. Urge.

Proof that gas prices are too high (and other random thoughts)

Proof that gas prices are too high: It's Memorial Day weekend... so, naturally... something is going to get grilled at the Faircloth house and I'm going to crack open a beer. It's a given. It's set in stone. Nothing will change it from happening... ever. It just is. So, I run to the store to pick up something to grill... but, on the way, I make a stop of at the Costco Gas Station (which, by the way... is NOT cheaper than any other gas in town.... so, I don't know why I keep filling up there) to fill Kelly's Explorer up with gas. Final tally... a mind staggering $70. That's going to make any man pause and re-evaluate things. $70 bucks used to buy you a nice date with the wife. It used to get you groceries in college for an entire semester (ok... slight stretch... but, at that time, I was a card-carrying member of the Farmer Jack Savings Club... NEVER underestimate the savings power that was brought to the table when you would wield that at the cashier). It used to buy you a pair of shoes that would last months. Now, it gets you one measly tank of gas.


So, needless to say, I was thinking budget when I went to the grocery store to pick out the much anticipated and aforementioned items: (1) Something to grill and (2) Beer. First off, I picked up hamburger meat.... that's the first clue gas prices are too high. In a perfect world, I would have been slow-cooking baby back ribs all day long... but... at $3 for a pound of ground beef vs. $30 for baby back ribs... it's a no-brainer... I am, after all, paying $70 to fill up my tank now.


Then, on the more important decision. Unlike food... I can live without beer. So, this adds much more pressure to the situation. I know what you're thinking.... this shouldn't be such a difficult decision... I could do without.... right...??? Well, again... let me remind you of the "Faircloth Memorial Day Weekend Axiom"... that is... something will be grilled and beer will be consumed... I simply have no choice. Now, that's not to say that I don't understand that times are tight and must make a wise choice. So, I mosey on up to the beer aisle.... and I'm instantly torn in two. Everything in me is telling me to pick up Sam Adams Summer Ale or the Sierra Nevada Summer Ale and just be done. But both of those cost upwards of $10 just for the sixer... and... I'm trying to be conscious of the $70 I just spent at the pump. Finally... I do it... I just do it... I make a decision to make a selection and move on. It's not one I'm proud of... but... desperate times call for desperate measures. I reach up and grab a six pack of............ BUDWEISER... ahhh... I can just feel your disappointment in me as I type that. Bud -freaking - weiser. Might as well have bought bottled water, I know. If it makes you feel any better, it was in bottles (not ghetto cans or 40 oz' ers)... and I did go with Budweiser "Select" (which, I thought would surely taste better -- umm... it doesn't). However, at $4.57 for a six-pack, thanks to my $70 fill-up... I really didn't have a choice now did I?


Other Random Thoughts


What's that Medeival torture device you just brought home?: A year or so ago, Kelly came home excitedly from a MOPS sale (a flea market kind of thing for kids clothes) and showed me this contraption she bought. It's called a baby bjorn and it's basically a baby carrier that straps the baby to you via about 1,000 straps, buttons and velcro. Well, since we didn't have a baby at the time, I never got to see it in action. That all changed today... Kelly wore it when we went down the Potomac River (as I've mentioned before, short walk just behind our house). She got Will all hooked up into this complicated thing and carried him like he were a couple of Biology books... seemed to work out well.... but that thing just looks kind of silly.... I've seen dudes wearing them and... seriously man, I just couldn't do it. I'll change diapers, push the stroller, carry the diaper bag, make cutesy faces at the baby... but... I can't... I just can't carry my child around in some pregnancy-mimicking getup. I just can't. I sense a good excuse to insert a picture... so... picture of us down at the Potomac (if you look closely, the baby holding contraption is visible):





Lastly, I got this Sporting News in the mail the other day:



Now, I don't know if they intentionally did this... but when I first saw it, instead of reading "RARE HEIR"... I read it as: "RAPE HER"... now.. perhaps this is an unintended "Freudian Slip" or something.... but... given Bryant's well-publicized trial a few years ago... I'm circumspect on that one... I did a quick google search to see if anyone else noticed... and, thus far... nobody said a word that I can tell. Am I crazy on this one?

Well... I gotta run... my Budweiser Select is getting warm.

10th Anniversary in New York City

It's hard to believe.... it really is... but Kelly and I celebrated our 10th Anniversary on Friday. Much has changed over the last 10 years from a worldly, pop culture, technological, and political viewpoint. What hasn't changed, however, is how much Kelly and I enjoy being with one another... making each other laugh... sharing our thoughts over a nice dinner and glass of wine (well, no wine for Kelly).... and just taking a moment to pause and enjoy "life"... and that's exactly what we did this weekend.

My brother-in-law and sister (who is, honestly, one of the most giving people I know) were kind enough to come up for the weekend and watch our babies so that we could get away on our own. Knowing they were in good hands, we set off for New York City early Saturday morning by train. That's right... by train. And, let me tell you... that is the way to go. Amtrak has a weekend deal where it cost about $175 (total) for both of us to go roundtrip from DC to New York City. And the best part is, the train drops you right off in the heart of the city... it was great. I would absolutely do it that way again. No long security lines at the airport, no stress getting there 2 hours early, no cramped seats, no extortion-like taxi fare from JFK to downtown -- oh... and they had a "dining car".... that was awesome... I thought those were only on TV shows and children's books. Anyway... I'm a convert to "train travel"... next time I travel... I'll definitely look at taking the train.

One thing to point out... the train is a "people watchers" paradise. It's just immensely fertile ground to observe some really unique people. I think all the conformists travel by air... that leaves this odd mix of train enthusiasts, deal seekers (like us), hippie wannabes that see some sort of integrity with train travel, and then an assortment of all kinds of characters that span virtually every culture, ethnicity and economic level. One favorite was the guy that sat behind us on the way back. He was jamming.... and I mean jamming... to an eclectic assortment of 80's music. I heard... at least 3 times.... "Hold Me Now" by the Thompson Twins. Also heard "Mandy" by Barry Manilow a couple of times. It was ridiculous. I was ready to throw his headphones out the window... and he would have deserved it.

The "main event" of our trip was to see a show on Broadway. And the show we picked.... Hairspray. Now, more than one friend has asked: "How did Kelly convince you to see that?"... and, well, the truth is... she didn't... I picked it. I mean, it's not like "Gladiator" or "Braveheart" is playing on Broadway... this is, after all... duh... Broadway... not exactly a "Man's man Paradise"... so, I picked Hairspray... and, it was a really fun show. Kelly LOVED it... and, well... I don't think I have the capacity to "LOVE" a musical... but it was enjoyable.

After that, we checked into our hotel and spent the rest of the night in Times Square... shopping, going into the kitschy stores, people watching, bar-hopping, etc.

Speaking of bar hopping... at the first place we went to, Kelly didn't want to order a drink... finally after I finished a pint of stout (a delightful Oatmeal Stout from a brewpub called Heartland Brewery, I might add), Kelly decided to order a margarita. Anyway, this is the part that cracks me up... at some point (after taking a couple of sips -- and I mean sips)... Kelly says: "Don't tell anyone this... but I'm totally feeling this drink already." And I cracked up... I mean... she only took 2 sips... if you don't believe me... I took a picture of it:

See... I wasn't kidding. Anyway, the hardest part of our evening was not Kelly handling her 2 sips of the margarita.... it was deciding where to go to dinner. We had only one night there and we didn't want to blow it by going to the wrong place. So, right off the bat... all the "chains" were eliminated as we can go to those anytime. Then we eliminated those restaurants that are at every tourist mecca (Planet Hollywood, Hard Rock, etc.). We really wanted a locally run type place with good food that wasn't super uptight. In the end, I think we found the perfect restaurant just off the road from Broadway. It was a little Italian place that was quiet (I guess the chains and touristy places siphoned off the majority of the masses) and allowed us to enjoy a meal together at our own (slow) pace as we reminisced about the last 10 years. It was a good time and a very fitting way to celebrate a decade of Kelly putting up with me.

All in all... such a great time.... I'm excited for what the next 10 years of our life together will bring. We don't know what highs and lows await... but there is no one I would rather share those moments with than Kelly. One day when Kelly and I are old and decrepid and I'm recovering from another broken hip... I'm sure we'll recall with great fondness our many fine moments together....and our trip to New York City on our 10th anniversary will certainly be among them. For your viewing enjoyment, the rest of the pictures are posted here.

A Great Non-Sermon Sermon

I have heard too many sermons over the years to count. Though I pick up little things here and there and apply them to my life, the vast majority of them I don't remember. Every now and then, a sermon will de delivered that stays with me for the rest of my life.... though it may sound cliche... a truly life changing sermon. Well, a few weeks ago, I had the privilege of hearing one of those sermons. What's different, now, however... is that thanks to the Internet revolution, I can share it with friends.... So, friends (especially if you're a guy).... if you have a few minutes to spare... please, listen to this sermon.... it's just so sincere and so hearfelt (and, thus... so blog-worth) and made me (1) want to be a better father (2) be a better man and (3) made me more fully appreciate and value my own father. So, click here to view... you won't be disappointed.

50 Random Thoughts

Not much going on... well, not much worth putting into words. We went to visit my parents last weekend and that was cool... pictures are to your right... but, other than that, not much. So, I thought I'd just post some random "stream of conscience" thoughts (50, to be exact)... here they are.. in no particular order:

1. I googled my own name today... does that make me vane?
2. I spent 1/2 an hour trying to get the picture slide show (the aforementioned pictures to your right) to work correctly the other day. I'm not very computer savvy.
3. I'm never sure how to spell savvy. Is it savvy or saavy?
4. I wear size 11 shoes.
5. Kelly recently told me to throw away my gray Redskins t-shirt.
6. I will never throw away my gray Redskins t-shirt.
7. Kelly told me a few years ago to throw away my gray boxers that I wore on our wedding day.
8. I didn't throw them away... vowing that I would never throw away my gray boxers.
9. My gray boxers magically disappeared a few years ago, shortly after Kelly told me to get rid of them and I refused.
10. Before they disappeared, my gray boxers were full of holes and the waistband didn't really hold anymore.
11. I'm secretly glad I don't have to wear those things anymore... I really am better off buying new undergarments on occasion.
12. That's why it's good to be married.
13. In my office at work, I have a view of the 11th fairway of the Lansdowne Golf Course.
14. I used to work in a barn that was converted to office space.
15. The barn was cool, but I like my office better now.
16. I have a picture of me and (Supreme Court Justice and hero to Conservatives) Clarence Thomas in my office.
17. When I used to see pictures hanging on the wall of people I knew with famous people, I always assumed they were great friends.
18. Clarence Thomas and I are not great friends.
19. I met him once at some event and since he's one of my "heroes"... I elbowed my way to the front to get my picture with him.
20. I'm never "star struck", but once I got up there... I couldn't think of anything substantive to say to him. I mumbled something and turned and said "cheese"...
21. It was my "I carried a watermelon" moment... but I don't care.... because I've got a picture of me and Clarence Thomas hanging on my wall... like we're old drinking buddies or something.
22. Some guilty TV viewing pleasures include a lot of "Reality TV"... such as: Survivor, Big Brother, Top Chef, and Hells Kitchen.
23. One year, we watched the entire season of "Bachelorettes in Alaska."
24. We are both now dumber for having watched it.
25. However, nothing brings me viewing enjoyment like "The Office" -- but that doesn't qualify as a "guilty" pleasure because it's brilliant.
26. Kelly, by the way, still likes watching "The Bachelor"...
27. And, I still refuse to watch it.
28. I love Tivo... it spares me having to watch "The Bachelor."
29. Kelly is in love with the "Ellen" Show.
30. And Kelly is in love with Toby Keith.
31. Something tells me that Toby Keith is not in love with Ellen (and vice versa).
32. I married an amazing woman.
33. I really hate formulaic romantic comedies.
34. But, I really enjoy "Sleepless in Seattle".. don't tell anyone.
35. I love what the Dad tells Dr. Marsha Fieldstone when she asks him to tell her about his late wife.
36. He says: "Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew." Me too.
37. Kelly makes the bed with Egyptian cotton sheets and sometimes with flannel. I know, as a man, I should prefer the flannel.... but... I like the Egyptian cotton ones much better.
38. One of my favorite simple pleasures in life was a cup of good coffee with dessert.
39. Since my little heart thing, coffee is off limits. Woe is me.
40. I hate when people wallow in self pity... a lot.
41. Does that make me heartless?
42. I will probably watch "So you think you can Dance?" this summer.
43. That's a lie. I will watch "So you think you can Dance?" this summer.
44. I'm trying really hard to get to 50 random thoughts....
45. It's harder than you think.
46. I owned 4 microscopes when I was a kid.
47. Umm... and I was proud of them.
48. What a NERD!
49. You know you had a microscope, too.
50. Well, that's 50.... see you later.

Redskins Draft Party

I've always thought "Trekkies" and "Star Wars" nerds were pretty pathetic. I mean, seriously... they dress up just like their favorite characters, wear spock ears, or even Princess Leia hair (see, I don't even know how to spell her name correctly). They go to "Conventions" just so that they can see the actors and get autographs. They stand in line for hours and sometimes camp out in line to be the first to see the movie released. In my mind, I have no doubt these losers would pee in their pants if they ever got up close to a life sized model of the Millenium Falcon. That's pretty lame.

I mean, going to a "Draft" party at FedEx Field (Home of the Redskins for those that don't know) is so much more "normal". Yes, I dressed up my family in the gear of our favorite players... including Will (my 5 month old). Yes, I sang along to a song that implores my team to "Run or Pass and Score, we want alot more!" -- even though the team wasn't even playing... thus rendering the lyrics complete meaningless. And, Yes, I braved traffic that turned a 45 minute drive into a hour and a half of slugging it out on the beltway. Oh, yes... my behavior is SO much more normal. More pictures of my completely normal, non lame-o behavior posted here.

Today's Scoreboard -- Death: 0, Scott: 3

So, on tuesday night, I was playing softball... doing something I love to do. It had been a really stressful day at work, so it was good to get out and run around and burn off some steam. Then, next thing you know... I ended up in the hospital for a delightful one night/one day stay.

Here's how it went down: Game was going well... it was the first game of the year... so I was a little rusty. Did some good things, did some not-so-good things... but, mostly... it was a good start to the year... then, all of the sudden, my heart started beating out of rhythm and at an extremely rapid pace (measured 178 at the emergency room) and I got lightheaded (well, that would be an understatement).

So, I dropped to one knee to avoid passing out... which, I felt was a very real possibility... anyway.. I got myself together and drove myself to the emergency room. Now, it's important to note that I stupidly ignored all of the offers from guys on the team to drive me there... I decided to man up and drive myself there.... DUMB considering I felt I was going to pass out a couple of times on the ride there. Ladies... you wouldn't understand. Guys... to a man... you probably would have driven yourself, too. I mean... I wasn't bleeding. All my limbs were intact... and I could still talk and stuff... so... why should anyone drive me? (in retrospect... I should have taken them up on the offer.)

Anyway... I get to the emergency room... and, unlike other times I've been there (stiches for the kids and other similar events) they took me back right away and hooked me up to every tube, IV, and injection in the place...seriously... they must have had to order more after I left. I could be a man and say this didn't scare me a bit... but... it scared me... just a little. Just a teensie-weensie bit. The smallest unit allowable of worry.

Anyway...they tried tons of things to try to get it in a normal pattern.... including stopping my heart.... twice! So, friends....let me be as humble and understated as I can be by saying that.... much like a Superhero... I cheated death... not once... but twice. Heretofore, I ask that you address me as Superscott (in humble reverence, of course)... I simply will not answer to any other name. Now, they didn't tell me that they were going to stop my heart... because... I would have done everything in my power (as other patients probably would) to convince them that's a bad idea... because.. you know, to me.. the non-doctor... a beating heart (albeit an abnormally beating heart) is way better than one that's not beating. So, for a period of 3 seconds and then again for a period of 5 seconds... the Faircloth ticker was flat-lined.... they even showed me (with a little more excitement than I'd prefer, actually) the little graph printout from the heart monitor machine where it went flat. I AM kicking myself now for not getting a print out of that so I could put it on the blog! Crap! Obviously, I had other things on my mind at the time... but that's no excuse... I failed you, faithful readers. Next time.... NEXT TIME... I won't make that mistake. I'll remove the nose thing and mouth thing and kindly ask: "Could I trouble you to make a copy of that for me?".... then I'll put all the tubes and stuff back in.

Anyway.... nothing the doctors tried worked... later on Wednesday with my heart still doing odd things, they put me out and shocked my heart (kind of like a defibrillator) and that, thankfully did the trick. Which, by the way, stopped the heart for a third time... thus living up to my newly self-acquired name of Superscott. So, for those keeping score.. the final tally for the day:

Death: 0, (Super)Scott: 3

I'm going to get some rest now.

The Impossibility of Driving 3 Females to DC

Early on in my "career" I received a call from a producer at NBC with a generous offer for me to appear on Hardball with Chris Matthews. Being extremely distrustful of the mainstream media and Chris Matthews, in particular, I graciously (and smartly) ignored the calls until they went away (which in our "microwave" news cycle took only about 15 minutes). I knew full well that I was ill-equipped to face the firing squad on an issue that I was not prepared to defend, let alone an issue that I felt passionately about (I'll spare you the details). And I'm not alone in my distrust of the media -- the ratings dominance of FoxNews is pretty telling in on that note.

However, even with the emergence of "Conservative" media in the last decade, the liberal media bias is still in full swing. Thankfully, there is one organization in Washington that inventories all of the instances of liberal bias and reminds me time and time again that despite the gains of the last decade... the fight isn't over. That group is the Media Research Center.

The best thing about MRC is that each year they have a "Dis-Honors" award ceremony that pokes fun at some of the more blatant biases of the media. Here is an example of one of the awards:

Well, anyway... Kelly and I had the privilege of attending this event for the 2nd time since our arrival in DC -- and I can say... unequivocally... that this is the best "dinner" event in town. And, I've been to my fair share of these things over the last 8 years. Kelly, by the way, was smokin' hot. The most beautiful woman in the room, by far. Now, keep in mind, she just had a baby 4 months ago... didn't matter one bit... still smokin'. People are going to start wondering why she married a bum like me. Here's a picture of us before we headed out:

OK... so I shouldn't go into too many details because I, by necessity, have to keep work out of this blog as much as possible.... and this dinner certainly blurs the lines between work and home. Anyway.... it was a fun night... the only information worth reporting was on the drive there... and here's the revelation I had from that:

IT IS HUMANLY IMPOSSIBLE TO KEEP 3 WOMEN HAPPY ON A DRIVE INTO DC!!!!

Here's the story: Kelly, of course, rode with me... but I also took my boss's wife and another co-worker -- all females. Big mistake. First, I'll address my boss's wife.... other than dealing with the obvious stress of driving your boss's wife (you know of ensuring she arrives all in one piece) -- she was NO problem at all. No complaints... received nothing but encouragement from her.

Secondly, there was Kelly. Kelly gets chronically car sick. Well, we get right into the heart of DC when Kelly decides she can't take it anymore and is going to barf. She asked me to pull over. Well, problem is... duh.... we are in the heart of DC and there isn't exactly many places to pull over. She literally wants me to pull over in the middle of traffic and switch seats with her so that she can drive. Well, anyway... I manage to find a spot to pull over and we switch seats and Kelly drives us the rest of the way (a couple of miles). Except, without me there, Kelly would have been honked at and barked at and ran so many red lights it would have been ridiculous. That was the most stressful part for me... but, at least, she didn't barf on her dress.

Lastly, there was my other co-worker. I'll leave out her name to protect the innocent. She was the worst back seat drive I have EVER encountered. I have suspended her from future rides in the Blue Patriot... she is officially persona non grata. She must earn my trust back.... Until then... no more rides is my luxury Ford Fusion. Let it be known right here and now... back seat drivers need not apply for rides in the Faircloth Fusion.

OK... so, that's it for now... poke around on the video website above if you want to see more about the dinner. It was fun and you might find some of the awards entertaining.

When Disposable Income Goes Wrong

This hat is the product of disposable income. You spend the first part of your adult life just trying to make it. To put food on the table and a roof over the heads of you and your bride.... depriving yourself of your "wants" and focusing solely on your "needs." You pinch every penny to stretch your paycheck as far as it can possibly go.

Then, one day... you start making money... real money. Then next thing you know, you're walking through Walmart and something just calls your name. Something you can't possibly live without. Something worth spending $10 on. It would have seen silly before... but now, friends... you have disposable income. You finally decide to reward yourself with that item you love... that item you can't possible live without. This weekend, I made my disposable income dreams come true... I am now the proud owner of my very own "Bubba" hat.

Life is SWEET.

5 Things I Miss About the 'Burg

On Saturday, I went for my monthly haircut. I go to a place simply titled "BARBER"... and that suits me just fine. No self-respecting man should go to any "stylist" or "hairdresser". Let's put it into perspective.... if you have a barber named Rocky.... you're doing great... if you have a "hairstylist" named Rocky... well, seriously... you're just paying too much for that haircut.

Anyway, after plunking down my $20 for my Northern Virginia barber shop cut, it made me long for the place I used to go to in Harrisonburg.... the Hair Corral. And, then I got to thinking about some of the random things I missed most about Harrisonburg. Here they are (in no particular order):

• Hair Corral: The Hair Corral is this barber shop located in the middle of nowhere. This really is a destination. A haircut costs a mere $6!!!! You can be big-pimping and tip an extra $4 and still walk out the door for $10... not too shabby. Now, the dilemma is that Hair Corral has about 20 barbers... of differing skill-level and ability. Upon entering you are faced with a row of about 10 barbers on your left and a row of about 10 barbers on your right. So, the big anxiety-inducing decision would be "do I go left or right?".... because... one wrong decision and you could get screwed over. Anyway, I seemed to always choose correctly and never had any issues.... but I had a few friends that got mangled.... and they would simply say: "I should have gone to the left" and we all knew what that meant. Hair Corral... I miss you!
• Roadside Chicken: Want the best freaking chicken you've ever tasted? Also want a wicked case of diarrhea? Well, look no further than the 'roadside' chicken sold in the 'burg throughout the year. I'm not sure what the deal is here or why chicken selling is such a cottage industry in the Valley... but, seriously.... if you are ever driving down 42 or 11 and see some dude selling foil-wrapped half-chicken for $3 that he pulls out of one of those igloo coolers.... stop... and buy it... or, better yet.. buy 20. Just make sure a toilet is nearby (but trust me.... any side effects are well worth it).
• Sharp Shopper: I love this crazy place.... and, in fact, Kelly and I can attribute (in large part) the financial solvency of the first 5 years of our marriage to Sharp Shopper. This is a "grocery" store run by Mennonites that sells a bunch of random stuff. If you never thought it was possible to purchase a humongous box of Cheerios for .99, well, you've never shopped at Sharp Shopper (the only catch is that the "Cheerios" and the label is written in crazy foreign lettering... usually Arabic). You could also get just expired Pillsbury Cookie Dough for .50 or countless other grocery items for less than a dollar. Actually, I'm not sure their price tag machine was capable of exceeding .99 cents. About a year before we left, Sharp Shopper greatly expanded and spent a great deal of time painting a red stripe all the way around the store and we all knew what that meant. In fact, every time I would walk in there, I would smile widely at the "Red Stripe of Savings" and be smiling even more as I walked out of there with a grocery cart full of pop tarts, cookie dough, milk, bread, eggs, etc for less than $20.
• The Green Valley Book Fair: This place is RIDICULOUS. First off, it's out in the boondogs... but it's HUGE.... two warehouses full of books.... and all of them are just insanely cheap. It only opens for certain times of the year. It's a business model that someone should be shot for thinking would work. I can just see the farmer now saying to his wife: "Mable... farming ain't just what it used to be. I'm going to clear out my barn and start selling a crap load of books for next to nothing and people will flock to me... even though we live in the middle of a corn field...and we'll be Rich!" Well, for whatever reason... it works (for the record, when I first heard of "electronic" mail in 10th grade business class, I recall thinking "what a STUPID" idea... so... what do I know). When it is open... it's a community event. Everybody goes. Kelly and I have bought more than our fair share of books here over the years and it kills me to buy a book at "retail" value up here knowing the Green Valley Book Fair probably has it.... and for only a couple of bucks.
• Taste of Thai: This is the best Thai food in America... period. End of Story. Order #23 with chicken and chicken fried rice and share with each other. I don't even know what #23 is called... but it's probably called un-freaking- believable. It could be called cat puke and I'd still order it... ya... it's that good. Seriously. Kelly and I have long referred to the 'host' as the "Fragile Flower" (w/all due credit to Brooke Chao) -- you'll have to go to find out why.

Okay.... so that's the 5 things I miss (for the purposes of this blog). Other things that come to mind are: happy hour at Calhouns, pizza at Luigi's (though I'm not an obsessive devotee), anything about Covenant Presbyterian Church, ice cream at Kline's Dairy Bar (Kelly is going to kill me for not going into detail about Klines), the apple orchards and the corn stands in the fall and having a BW3 right around the corner.

I have developed similar cult-like allegiance to a few places in Northern Virginia.... but, this post is already getting long... so, I'll save that for another day.