Ode to Black Thunder

Today I said goodbye to Black Thunder. For those that don't know, Black Thunder was my 1998 Ford Escort. She was preceded by the Babe Wagon, a 1993 Ford Escort. For those that are counting, that is almost 15 years of Ford glory. Sold her on craigslist in less than an hour, my friends (on a tangent, I have a gift... A GIFT I say for craigslist'ing skeeelz. One of my listings even made lofty "best of" status..check it out here: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/256561491.html )

Many of you are familiar with Black Thunder's...umm... "features". Let me count them for you:

• The rear spoiler: Let me just say this...that spoiler was so incredibly necessary... because when I was flying down the road, maxing her out at 65 mph's... the shear power of all 4 cylinders kicking into gear could have possibly sent me spiraling out of control. But thanks to that spoiler, I was able to keep all 4 tires squarely planted on the pavement.


• The oddly tinted windows: When you've got a ride like Black Thunder, you've got to pimp her out. And that's just what the previous owner did (I bought BT for a mere $7500 in '99 with 13K miles). They spared no expense in tinting the windows. Well, not exactly... they must have run out of money and only tinted the back ones. That's right...it was just like a mullet -- "business in the front... party in the back"


• That sweet engine: About 3 years ago, Black Thunder started whining like a school girl. I mean, it was just this high pitched whine. It was no big deal when we were in the 'burg... I mean, we just fit in there. But then we moved to Northern Virginia -- one of the richest areas in the nation. And, then my wife would be embarassed of me when I would come home from work and she'd be able to know I was on my way a few streets ahead of time by hearing that gentle purr of Black Thunder. I suppose I could have gotten it fixed...but that leads me to my next feature


• It's amazing healing qualities: With most cars, if it develops an odd sound, you take it immediately to a mechanic. Not with Black Thunder. Over the years, Black Thunder developed an assortment of odd sounds. I found the best plan of action was to IGNORE the sound. The car never broke down and the sound would eventually go away... except for that whine.


• The exterior "sheen": The auto washing/waxing industry is just a scam -- and Black Thunder is (was) living proof of this. Nothing -- dare I say NOTHING -- can compare to a nice protective sheen of bug guts, dust and road grime. It provided a lasting, protective and eye appealing alternative to those expensive waxes and other cleaners.

I could go on and on. Black Thunder was legendary to those who knew her, just as The Babe Wagon was before it. To know her was to love her... well, to know her was to make fun of me for loving her. But, the bottom line is that it got from point A to point B quite capably over the years. It left me on the side of the road only once (and a special thanks to Justin Prather for pushing her into that rest stop on 81). I made a commitment when I bought her that I would "ride her until the wheels fell off" -- and, while I didn't keep that promise, I certainly got my money's worth.

So, (sniffle, sniffle)... Goodbye Black Thunder... know that your legacy will live on in the hearts of those that loved you (well, that would just be me... but, you get the idea)