Cigars, Champagne and Shakespeare

William Shakespeare once wrote: “If I chance to talk a little wild, forgive me.”

I love this quote. Somehow, I think it gives me validation to talk and/or write off the cuff. As long as I’m not being crude, I feel I have pretty good license to talk a bit “wild” at times.

So, this brings me to today. Today is the 20th Anniversary of the company that I work for. This is a big accomplishment and something to celebrate for sure. So, I wanted to get my boss a little something to (1) show my appreciation and (2) help him celebrate a bit.

So, this begs the question… what did I get him? Well, my general philosophy on man-gifts can be summed up in three words:

Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms

Now, I realize that many of you may think of this as merely a Federal Agency. Well, that’s where you selling yourself short. Think of alcohol, tobacco and firearms anytime you need to find the aforementioned man-gift. So, what I do is start running through my options:

(1) Alcohol: a good wine or decent bottle of champagne? Or possibly a decent microbrew or import?
(2) Tobacco: is the recipient a cigar smoker? Pipe smoker? A box of good cigars is always a great gift
(3) Firearms: not a drinker or smoker? Well, how about a shotgun or semi-automatic?

I’ve found most guys would be appreciative of any gifts falling into these 3 categories. So, ripping a page from this playbook, I decide to pick up a bottle of Veuve Clicquot Champagne and a box of Nat Sherman cigars. I really wanted to get him a muzzle loader rifle, but feared I might be surrounded by a Swat Team if I took that to work. So, needless to say, the champagne and cigars were (in my view) a solid choice.

Now, to the card… the “note of congratulations” as it were… I’ve got a good relationship with him and he “gets” my sense of humor. So, I had no worries about being all fake and phony. So, as Shakespeare would say, I had chance to “talk wild” and here’s what I wrote:

Dear Richard,
Congratulations on 20 years of successful business. This is an accomplishment for which you should take great pride. It takes a massive set of brass balls to not only start a business, but to make it successful and thriving over the years. So, please enjoy this box of cigars and the champagne. Not to help you celebrate 20 years, but to celebrate your massive set of brass balls. I can assure you this is the only note you will EVER receive extolling the virtues of balls – specifically… yours. So, congratulations again!
Scott

Umm… I’m not kidding.