This last weekend I went to the Redskins/Giants game at FedEx Field. My sister Beth and Brother-in-Law Aaron came up for it....and I went with a bunch of co-workers/friends. Now, if you're a novice to NFL games, you probably think you just go the game. Well, if you're a rookie that's what you do. You see, the real fun is in the tailgating. Especially if you're a Redskins fan... because, let's be honest, if you're paying hundreds of dollars to go watch them lose, you're not getting your money's worth -- you've got to turn it into something worthwhile.
Therefore, whenever I go to a Redskins game, it's an all day affair... complete with the pre-game AND post-game tailgate. It's really pretty simple, all you need to bring is a grill, charcoal, something to grill and copious amounts of beer (not that you'll drink it all... but you'll make lots of friends). Having been going to Redskins games for over a decade now, I have honed the tailgating craft and thought I was a professional.
That is, until this game. You see, this tailgate involved Jim (can't give up the last name... lest he get stuck in google forever). Jim is the Vice President of the company I work for. More importantly he is a lifelong Giants fan who has been tailgating since I've been in diapers. And, well, how can I say this... He has truly honed the craft and I am merely privileged to breathe his charcoal fumes.
Now, to fully understand what I'm about to tell you... you must first understand a bit about Jim. Everything he does is balls out. There is no holding back. If something is worth doing, it's worth making legendary. Take the 4th of July for example. Jim starts preparing for the 4th about 6 months in advance. He orders thousands of dollars worth of (ehem...illegal) fireworks from a catalogue. He's such a big customer that they call him in advance. He is to that fireworks company what a "whale" is to a casino in Vegas.
The explosives he orders have names like "Ultimate Retribution" and "American Vengeance" and they take up an entire closet in his home. And I'm not kidding. It is an arsenal that would make any militia proud. In fact, in the event of attack, I'm making a bee-line for Jim's house. Not necessarily for protection, I just think his fireworks stash can be lit off and will 'razzle-dazzle' the enemy and stall them long enough for me to make my escape.
Anyway... so that is Jim. Nothing is done less than 100%. So, now back to the tailgate. I've already told you my list (grill, charcoal, meat, beer) -- it's brilliant in its simplicity. Jim, on the other hand, has cultivated a fool-proof tailgating checklist that has evolved over the years... and it is 2 pages long!!!! I'll spare you all 2 pages...but here are some of the highlights (my comments in italics):
Scotch
Cuban Cigars
Little Cigars -- I'm assuming the Cuban's must be "big", hence the differentiation
Phone (power) -- power? is there a non-powered phone? hmmm
Flask -- for, you know, chemistry experiments and stuff
Money -- this one cracks me up... wouldn't that be hilarious if he brought all this stuff... 2 pages worth and then got to the game and... crap... no money! And it also implies that he has stacks of it in a closet somewhere. I can just picture him calling out to his wife "honey, can you go into the garage and bring me the grill tools, some lighter fluid and... oh yeah... a stack of $20's."
Codeine -- naturally... no tailgate is complete without a hefty dose of painkillers
Aspirin -- Just in case the codeine doesn't do the trick
Cortisone Ointment -- Man, if I had a nickel for everytime my body broke out in a wicked rash at a tailgate...
Generator -- Yes, we had a generator... How else do you think the TV is going to work?
TV -- see above
Giant sign -- rats...I left my "giant" sign at home
Duct Tape -- duct tape? are we planning on kidnapping someone?
Giants Flag and US Flag -- because, one flag just simply isn't enough
Two "Big Grills" and football grill -- you see, one grill can only hold so much food. You need multiple grills... really
Ray -- Ray is a 'man' that holds grill tools. Crucially important, without "Ray" you might be forced to lay your grill tools elsewhere.
Big Coolers (4) -- yes... 4 big coolers
Black Cooler -- umm...because 4 non-black coolers are just not enough
Name Tags -- I used to get so tired of saying "hi, I'm scott... want a beer" Now, I just say "beer?" and they say, "sure, scott" -- it helps
Coffee Brewer -- at a tailgate? I blame the influence of Starbucks.
Water Cooler -- for those keeping score, that is cooler #6
Chip Bowl -- absolutely essential, eating directly from the bag is just so ghetto
Large Can opener -- the small one just won't cut it apparently
Corn Cob Holders -- Jim told me... in all seriousness... "if I don't bring the corn cob holders... the tailgate will be ruined"
Corn/Broccoli Pot
Water Pot -- obvious that you can't use your water pot as a corn/brocolli pot... isn't it?
Garlic Butter -- that's butter #1
Regular Butter -- butter variety #2
Margarine -- butter #3
Spray Butter -- yes, that's right, 4 different varieties of butter... did we miss any?
Okay...the list was twice this long... I've only pulled out the highlights.
Bottomline? We had a great tailgate with 15 or so of us, three grills going simultaneously, enough beer to sink a battle ship, and great food.
The irony of it all is that Jim had to borrow buns from me... but at least he didn't have to borrow cortisone ointment (because, as you know, it was on the list).
Therefore, whenever I go to a Redskins game, it's an all day affair... complete with the pre-game AND post-game tailgate. It's really pretty simple, all you need to bring is a grill, charcoal, something to grill and copious amounts of beer (not that you'll drink it all... but you'll make lots of friends). Having been going to Redskins games for over a decade now, I have honed the tailgating craft and thought I was a professional.
That is, until this game. You see, this tailgate involved Jim (can't give up the last name... lest he get stuck in google forever). Jim is the Vice President of the company I work for. More importantly he is a lifelong Giants fan who has been tailgating since I've been in diapers. And, well, how can I say this... He has truly honed the craft and I am merely privileged to breathe his charcoal fumes.
Now, to fully understand what I'm about to tell you... you must first understand a bit about Jim. Everything he does is balls out. There is no holding back. If something is worth doing, it's worth making legendary. Take the 4th of July for example. Jim starts preparing for the 4th about 6 months in advance. He orders thousands of dollars worth of (ehem...illegal) fireworks from a catalogue. He's such a big customer that they call him in advance. He is to that fireworks company what a "whale" is to a casino in Vegas.
The explosives he orders have names like "Ultimate Retribution" and "American Vengeance" and they take up an entire closet in his home. And I'm not kidding. It is an arsenal that would make any militia proud. In fact, in the event of attack, I'm making a bee-line for Jim's house. Not necessarily for protection, I just think his fireworks stash can be lit off and will 'razzle-dazzle' the enemy and stall them long enough for me to make my escape.
Anyway... so that is Jim. Nothing is done less than 100%. So, now back to the tailgate. I've already told you my list (grill, charcoal, meat, beer) -- it's brilliant in its simplicity. Jim, on the other hand, has cultivated a fool-proof tailgating checklist that has evolved over the years... and it is 2 pages long!!!! I'll spare you all 2 pages...but here are some of the highlights (my comments in italics):
Scotch
Cuban Cigars
Little Cigars -- I'm assuming the Cuban's must be "big", hence the differentiation
Phone (power) -- power? is there a non-powered phone? hmmm
Flask -- for, you know, chemistry experiments and stuff
Money -- this one cracks me up... wouldn't that be hilarious if he brought all this stuff... 2 pages worth and then got to the game and... crap... no money! And it also implies that he has stacks of it in a closet somewhere. I can just picture him calling out to his wife "honey, can you go into the garage and bring me the grill tools, some lighter fluid and... oh yeah... a stack of $20's."
Codeine -- naturally... no tailgate is complete without a hefty dose of painkillers
Aspirin -- Just in case the codeine doesn't do the trick
Cortisone Ointment -- Man, if I had a nickel for everytime my body broke out in a wicked rash at a tailgate...
Generator -- Yes, we had a generator... How else do you think the TV is going to work?
TV -- see above
Giant sign -- rats...I left my "giant" sign at home
Duct Tape -- duct tape? are we planning on kidnapping someone?
Giants Flag and US Flag -- because, one flag just simply isn't enough
Two "Big Grills" and football grill -- you see, one grill can only hold so much food. You need multiple grills... really
Ray -- Ray is a 'man' that holds grill tools. Crucially important, without "Ray" you might be forced to lay your grill tools elsewhere.
Big Coolers (4) -- yes... 4 big coolers
Black Cooler -- umm...because 4 non-black coolers are just not enough
Name Tags -- I used to get so tired of saying "hi, I'm scott... want a beer" Now, I just say "beer?" and they say, "sure, scott" -- it helps
Coffee Brewer -- at a tailgate? I blame the influence of Starbucks.
Water Cooler -- for those keeping score, that is cooler #6
Chip Bowl -- absolutely essential, eating directly from the bag is just so ghetto
Large Can opener -- the small one just won't cut it apparently
Corn Cob Holders -- Jim told me... in all seriousness... "if I don't bring the corn cob holders... the tailgate will be ruined"
Corn/Broccoli Pot
Water Pot -- obvious that you can't use your water pot as a corn/brocolli pot... isn't it?
Garlic Butter -- that's butter #1
Regular Butter -- butter variety #2
Margarine -- butter #3
Spray Butter -- yes, that's right, 4 different varieties of butter... did we miss any?
Okay...the list was twice this long... I've only pulled out the highlights.
Bottomline? We had a great tailgate with 15 or so of us, three grills going simultaneously, enough beer to sink a battle ship, and great food.
The irony of it all is that Jim had to borrow buns from me... but at least he didn't have to borrow cortisone ointment (because, as you know, it was on the list).
1 comment:
Hi! Best idea, but will this really work?
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