The Breakfast menu at McDonalds is a sea of delights for any man. There is just so much good stuff to choose from...shall I have the Big Breakfast with sausage, pancakes and eggs? Or perhaps an egg mcmuffin with hasbrowns and coffee? Not hitting me? Well, in that case there is always the Mcgriddles, the biscuits, the breakfast burrito's -- you name it. There something up there for every man and for the 30 plus years I've walked this earth, McDonalds has never let me down.
Why then on God's green earth did I step up to the cashier on Saturday and utter the words: "Fruit and Yogurt Parfait, please"...????? I mean, I knew what I was doing was wrong -- so, so wrong (cue the music: Chris Isaak's "Baby did a bad, bad thing"). I wouldn't even make eye contact with the cashier. I fiddled nervously with my wallet. I felt like an 18 year old trying to buy beer with a fake license (not that I've ever done that...but my wife has told me about it ;- ). Kelly even teased me for ordering one. What made me sink so low -- when confronted with an infallible menu of manly breakfast fare -- as to order a (gasp) Fruit and frickin' Yogurt Parfait?
Two words: Lasik Surgery
To fully understand how I sunk to such lows...some background: without corrective lenses of some sort, I've basically been blind my whole life. Can't see a thing. And I stopped wearing contacts on a regular basis shortly after college (about 10 years ago). So I was blind as a bat until I put on my glasses after getting dressed.
That all stopped when my wife finally convinced me to get the Lasik surgery done a few months ago. A couple of days later (it took a couple of days for the post-surgery haziness to clear up), I'm stepping out of the shower and catch a 20/20 glimpse of a fatty in my mirror. Yikes! It was me, 10 years removed from my last consistent physical activity and, man, did it show.
Where had the six pack gone that I had in high school go? Or the 4 1/2 pack I maintained through college? Well, It was clearly left in the dust of a decade sitting at my office desk eating ho-ho's for breakfast and God knows what for lunch. So, the six pack is long gone. There's no hope of that returning (unless we're talking about a sixer of Guiness in the 'fridge -- in that case....game on). But, thanks to Lasik, I am committed to at least making an effort to keep from turning into a Fatty Arbuckle.
So, I've started running.
I've started eating an apple for breakfast.
I've started to show some restraint and not to demolish every ounce of food on my plate at restaurants (it's not a contest, right?).
And, apparently, I've started ordering Fruit and Yogurt Parfait's at McDonalds.
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Epilogue: Fruit and Yogurt Parfait's are yummy. You should try one. Just do it in secret and remember...do not make eye contact with the cashier
3 comments:
Yabadaba do
Fruit and Yogurt Parfaits are about the only things worth getting at McDonalds. What I want to know is how the marketing of McDonalds infiltrates to my children's deepest fast food longings when the only TV they watch consists of DVDs. Why is it that on long trips they chant for McDonalds when we stop for lunch?
It's our "Call of the Wild" man. Having a crappy day...goto McDonalds my friend, and forget about life for awhile.
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