Lovin' Hot Moms at the Monster Truck Rally

I have to give all credit to Kelly on this one. Recently, she saw an advertisement on TV for an upcoming "Monster Jam" show at the Verizon Center (where the Wizards play basketball). She told me about it because she knew Luke would LOVE it -- and best of all, it said kid's tickets were only $10. So, I looked into it and... well... the kids tickets were, indeed, only $10. But that meant you had to sit in the nosebleeds and after paying for the adult ticket and all the fees, I was looking at about $70 to go to the Monster Truck show. Needless to say, with my sole experience of monster trucks coming from numerous ESPN shows in the 80's, I thought that was a bit steep.

Now, I was completely willing to pay that... however, I thought I would wait until the last minute and see if I could pick up some tickets on craigslist and save a buck or two and hopefully get better seats. However, one magical night shortly thereafter, I was watching Fox News and a commercial came on for Monster Jam that said: "Go to fox5 news website and register for your Monster Jam Party Pack".... except they said it in that monster truck voice (you know: SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!!!!!). Well, needless to say I registered immediately... and, lo and behold, about a week later I got an email saying that I was the big winner! That's right, I was the winner of the prestigious Monster Jam prize pack. Now, let me own up here.... I was SOOOO excited -- I had WON tickets... how cool is that? And, best of all, it included 4 tickets so I invited my friend Matt and his son Grant who is also 4 years old like Luke. Matt originally had a date night planned with his wife that night (in fact, we were babysitting for them). But Matt is a man that knows his priorities and knows that date night can always be bumped back a day or two because "serious heart pounding Monster Truck action" does not come to town every day. So, after getting his bride's permission (uhh... I said he "knows his priorities" not that he was "stupid"), Matt was in on the fun.

Now, again... my entire exposure to Monster Trucks was from numerous airings of the "sport" on ESPN during the 80's (before ESPN was "ESPN") and I wanted to really have some fun with my wardrobe. So naturally I head to Walmart looking for some sweet John Deere gear so that I can be ironically trendy. Unfortunately, Walmart does not carry any John Deere t-shirts. Who knew? In my minds eye, I pictured Walmart having rows and rows of the green stuff. No such luck. Anyway, I gave serious consideration to purchasing a Mountain Dew t-shirt (made famous by Ricky Bobby's son, Texas Ranger... you know: "Chip... I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!"). However, I concluded that the $7.96 price tag was just too steep. Instead, I decided to wear the most obnoxious t-shirt I owned. That's right... I decided to unveil my "I love hot moms" t-shirt for the first time since "the incident." It seemed like a perfect fit for such an event... and besides... I'll keep my jacket on most of the time and it might, hopefully, make a few people chuckle.

So, with my "I love hot moms" t-shirt stylishly adorned over a long sleeve white t-shirt, we arrive at the Verizon Center and the first thing we notice is that our seats are AWESOME!!!! Seriously, they were the best seats in the house. Apparently, the winner of the Fox5 News prize pack gets treated really, really well. Here's a picture of Luke and I in our seats.... but they don't really do them justice... they were front row, center section, aisle seats... they just don't get any better than that. It's the kind of seats you'd sell a kidney to have to watch your favorite team.

Alright... now here is where the story gets really good. We weren't in our seats 10 minutes before a real official looking lady (in the "monster truck" sense) asks us if we want to be judges for the "freestyle" competition. And, well... duh... is the pope Catholic? Does a one-legged duck swim in circles????.... OF COURSE WE WANT TO BE JUDGES!

First we undergo an extensive tutorial and orientation on how to judge. Here is a picture of her as she begins the teaching:


You're probably thinking this orientation lasted... what.. a half hour? No... not so much ... it lasted about 15 seconds and her only rule was "Don't give out 10's" and handed us the flip chart with numbers on it. As you can see in this picture of Matt holding his flip chart, he is beside himself with pure, unadulterated, testosterone fueled excitement (and I shared that same sense of "somebody pinch me... this is the fulfillment of a lifelong dream"):

Thankfully, there was a set of judging rules printed on the front of the flip chart. Here they are:

The girl next to me (who was the third judge.... no doubt playing the encouraging/slightly coked out "Paula Abdul" role) asks "What is a Sky Wheelie?" Great question... I was wondering the same thing myself. I told her: "It's whatever we want it to be." Surprisingly, she accepts this answer (she was only about 12 years old... so, she was probably overwhelmed by my advanced intellect... or perhaps my "I love hot moms" t-shirt... I'm not sure which).

Well, we caught on pretty quickly and were adhering strictly to the extensive list of rules... quite possibly doing the best judging job they have ever seen (we may have, in fact, made ourselves eligible for their hall of fame). We do this judging thing for about 1/2 the show... the entire beginning and the entire ending (footnote: we reserved giving out a "10" until the very end when we bestowed upon "Grave Digger" with a perfect score.... after all, I loved his Cyclone Donut to Sky Wheelie combination). Needless to say, it is not lost on us that we are getting some serious face time on the Verizon Center's Jumbotron. I even snap a picture. Here's the money shot:

That's me (notice the t-shirt and camera in hand), Matt to my right, and our boys (Luke and Grant) in the middle. Then... at some point it hits me. I'm wearing my obnoxious "I love hot moms" t-shirt and, thanks for an awesome turn of events and the technology of the Jumbotron, every one of the 18,000 spectators knows it.

Classic. Absolutely Classic.