I Got Stuck at a Meeting Today

One of the absolute joys of having kids is being able to see the world through their eyes. They are very simplistic, very literal and live in a world where nothing is impossible.

Anyway, I was running late at a meeting today so I called Kelly to tell her I was going to be a couple of hours late. Kelly immediately went ahead and served the kids dinner and told them that Daddy was stuck at a meeting and would be home later.

So, they went ahead and ate their dinner and were done by the time I finally got home. As they usually do, they come running to the door as soon as they hear the garage door open. They usually pepper me with questions or tell me about their day... usually both at the same time and today was no different. Here's how the conversation went after I opened my car door:

Me: "Hi, babies! Did you have fun today?"

Luke: "Daddy, was the door small?"

Reagan, talking at the same time as Luke: "Daddy, you got stuck at a meeting! I'm eating a tootsie roll!"

Luke, repeating his earlier question because I failed to answer within the alloted time frame (which is about .2 seconds for Luke): "Daddy, was the door small?"

Just trying to get in the door and not really paying as much attention to their comments and questions as I should... and really just not having any idea what he was talking about, I just answer: "Yes... bud... the door was small"

Satisfied with this response, he runs upstairs and I overhear him telling Kelly matter of factly... "The door was small."

Still puzzled as to what he's talking about... I'm pondering it as I walk upstairs... "was the door small? the door? hmmm?"

Then it hits me.

Daddy was stuck at a meeting. Daddy was stuck at a meeting.

He's 3 years old.... and he only knows one kind of stuck... and no doubt this is how he envisioned me:





HILARIOUS.... Daddy was STUCK at a meeting!

My 4 year old taught herself to read... but failed swimming lessons

OK... I'm not one of those "my kid is brilliant" or "my kid is gifted" or whatever... Really... I'm not. Having said that.... my 4 year old is brilliant... she taught herself to read... TO READ!

Here's the deal.... she's watched a Leap Frog DVD since she was very young and was able to say her alphabet and sounds before she was 2.... you know... "The A says ah, the A says ah, every letter makes a sound, the A says ah" So, from that she knew the sounds. I spent a little bit of time with her showing her how to put the sounds together, and for awhile now she's been able to read for simple words, as long as they stuck with the correct phonics... so... words like Pop, Stop, next, etc she could read because the phonics stayed true and the word made sense. Other than that, we never really spent much time with her "teaching" her to read.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, she just started busting out reading whole books... even when the phonics didn't match up quite correctly. At first, I kind of chalked it up to half memorization (of books we've previously read to her) and educated guesses from what she knew... but then she just kept reading and reading and reading -- new books, long books, etc.

Anyway, She just finished reading "War and Peace" and greatly enjoyed it... OK... so maybe not War and Peace... but she's definitely reading Curious George, Dr. Seuss and other books all by herself.

Now... we proceed from "my daughter is brilliant" to ..... "my kids failed swimming lessons"...

That's right... they (Reagan and Luke) failed. Their inability/unwillingness to put the head underwater for 3 seconds has kept them from progressing. In fairness to them, apparently their whole class failed.

No worries, though. I told them to tell anyone that asked that they "didn't fail"... rather, that "their mother held them back"... I remember those 13 year old kids in my third grade class would always say that and that seemed to sound better.

Ice Skating with the Hebrew Magic Fairy

The Faircloth fam went ice skating this weekend at the Ashburn Ice House. Reagan and Luke had a great time and, thankfully, my co-worker was there and he was gracious enough to help us out by taking Reagan or Luke for a spin around the ice (since one of us, of course, had to stay with Will).... that helped greatly... Not much else to report here, except that the kids loved it.... Reagan desperately wanted to go "speedy fast" like the others (I love her competitive spirit)... and we'll probably go again sometime in the future. Click here for the pictures, if you're so inclined.

Now... I know you're dying to know.... Who's the Hebrew Magic Fairy?

No, it's not this guy...




That's Christopher Lowell.... master of the use of pastel-colored buttons in interior decorating...

The Hebrew Magic Fairy, of course... would be... (drum roll)... my daughter Reagan.

Here's the deal. We place an importance on teaching our children about God and the Bible. Kelly and I really think.... above all things... instilling in them a Biblical foundation is one of the best gifts we can give them. So, that means of course, we read lots of stories from the Bible. LOTS of stories... we read about Jesus, the Philistines, God, Romans, Judah... and, of course... the Hebrews...

Well, we are also fairly lenient with other books they read. You know, we're not ones for a book burning... so, as long as books aren't demonic or deliberately offensive to our faith... we'll generally be okay with them (well, Rainbow Fish is one book I REFUSE to read... they might as well subtitle that one so it reads "Rainbow Fish: A Socialist Primer). Okay... you get the idea... so in addition to the Bible, we also reads plenty of stories about princesses, fairies, cloud-living bears and the like.

Unfortunately, in the brain of a 4 year-old... things can get a bit mixed up... hence, the other day while putting on a "play" for us... she introduced herself as Reagan, the "Hebrew Magic Fairy".... Hilarious. And... it's not just Reagan... in that same "play" Luke was a flying superhero Roman Soldier.

Oh... and another quick story along these lines... we heard the song "Who let the dogs out" the other day and I asked Luke "Who let the dogs out?"... you know... secretly hoping he'd say "Daddy"... instead, he said "Noah." And.. well... I guess he's right. A 3 year old has finally answered the question we've been asking ourselves for a decade.... Noah let the dogs out, my friends. Case closed.

Anyway.. hopefully we haven't scarred them for the rest of their lives.

Odds and Ends (or... it's not a Hickey)

Been tired and/or busy and/or uninspired the last week or so... so haven't bothered putting anything up... but... here's some odds and ends from the past week:

It's not a hickey: Kelly decided a few weeks ago that it was time to start running again (after just having had the baby 3 weeks prior). And, in true Kelly fashion (that is, if she makes her mind up to do something, it will be done -- even if that requires the suspension of sanity) she insisted upon running outside... at 5 in the morning... in the dead of winter. And to keep warm, she was doing this with.... I'm not kidding.... an old knit cap... an old sweatshirt and some old ski gloves I had. Well, I wasn't going to let that happen more than once, so I bought her some new gloves, exercise pants and this cool running jacket... which is thin... yet warm and has arm/shoulder pockets for your Ipod (well, in our case, an mp3 player). And she really seems to like it. Unfortunately, there is one part of the collar that rubs her the wrong way leaving a decent sized circular red mark on her skin. So... do the math... the red circular mark left where the collar is... the collar is on the neck.... leaving behind a noticeable mark that looks very much like a hickey. It's not. Trust me... we're not 15. We did get a few odd looks at church on Sunday, though. I'd take a picture of it and post it... but, it really looks like a hickey and I don't want to run the risk of my wife's now public domain picture ending up on some STD poster on the metro... so.. I'll just leave it to your imagination what it looks like.

Heartbreaking: I've got this "feedburner" thing on my blog... so I can tell how many "hits" I've got during the day. It's totally nerdy... but weirdly entertaining. Anyway, one thing that I find fascinating is that it will show me the search terms that people enter into google that make them hit this blog. By a landslide, the most search for term that leads people here is "Redskins Season Ticket Wait List" or some variation on that theme. "People Magazine Cover" is popular, as well... and "Scott Faircloth Blog" is, interestingly enough, the third most popular.

Well, someone today hit the site with the search "What to say to my young children about my addiction?" Man... that breaks my heart... clearly that's someone that recognizes their problem and how it's impacting their children and are searching for something to help them... and then they hit my goofy site... no doubt disappointed that none of my blogs addressed the issue and merely gave admonitions such as "don't wear an 'I love hot Moms' t-shirt when taking your child to the emergency room." As a father of young children myself, it just hits me differently than it would have before I had kids. And, well, in reality... not much I can do to help them, however (while acknowledging that it might seem overly simplistic to some) I don't believe in "coincidences" and I will be praying for that person.

News on the job front: Have been promoted to "Assistant to the Regional Manager" ("The Office" reference for those that don't know -- seriously... time to start watching that show if you don't already) as of Monday. This is good news for the Faircloth Family and kind of closes Chapter 1 (the first 2 years) of our Northern Virginia/DC experiment and moves us into Chapter 2. Not sure what the title of Chapter 2 will be... hopefully not "you're fired" or "the homeless years"

Tomorrow in DC: About 2 or 3 times a month I find myself donning the suit and tie and making the trek to DC. I blend in. But, as many times as I've been there in the past 7 years or so, I can't help but think to myself that I'm walking the streets of the most powerful city in America and quite possibly the world. I look like everyone else, walk with purpose like everyone else, look like I belong like everyone else.... but still... I often feel like I'm a fish swimming in a tank full of sharks (the key is just not letting anyone know that's how you feel -- hence the reason you wear the suit and tie, walk with purpose, and walk around like you own the place).

Good night friends... I'm calling it a night.

The Night That the Lights Went Out in Leesburg

So, we're putting the kids to bed the other night and then... bam... lights go out. Our entire block was without electricity.

Kelly, hating anything that she can't control, immediately starts stressing out.

I, on the other hand, got strangely giddy and was excited to see how I would navigate this temporary obstacle.

You see, as a man living with modern day conveniences... life can kind of grow mundane. We are no longer the "hunters" or the pioneers. We have become diffident and aloof to needs. If we need food, we go the Wegman's. If we need to go somewhere, we hop in our car. It's just too easy, too simple and, quite frankly, has turned a generation of men into compliant and effiminate lap dogs... but I digress...

Anyway... so... I'm excited. I immediately start rounding up flashlights... which consist mostly of toys from my kids.... and then... I remember a "special" flash light I tucked away for a "dire" situation such as this. It's a wind-up flashlight that needs no batteries!!!!! You just wind up and you never run of light! How incredibly freaking awesome is that? Oh, and it's also an FM radio. Seriously. It can also replace your mom's Thighmaster... but... that's for another day's discussion. Anyway, to continue painting this visual image, here is what the flashlight/radio looked like:


Okay... pretty cool... right? I'm completely pumped to use the wind up flashlight and am so fired up to show it to Kelly.

So, I take it downstairs .... and wind it up as fast as I can...

RRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....... the windup flashlight/radio roared with delight and then output a faint blue light....

"What the heck is that noise?" Kelly asked

"It's a flashlight that doesn't use batteries... you just wind it up..." I tell her excitedly... fully expecting her to join me in rejoicing

"That is the STUPIDEST thing I've ever seen...why do we have that? We've got about 15 flashlights and plenty of batteries.." she said

Well, she has a point... but, she's not understanding my inner survivalist need. So then... I think of the one thing I can think of to make her realize the value of a windup flashlight/radio... and I ask her...

"What would Bear Grylls do? Take the windup flashlight or the one with batteries?"

The answer was clear at that point... but she was still unimpressed... she continued with her vitriol and spite of my beloved windup flashlight.

Well, anyway... we DID have better lights... and we didn't need the radio part of it... but I was determined to show it's usefulness. So, after putting the kids to bed, I had to take a swampy badly... so... I insisted on taking the windup flashlight in the bathroom with me.

And there, behind a closed bathroom door... in pitch black... I turned on the radio and flashlight and RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr cranked away while I rode the porcelain pony.

I guess I showed her ;-)