Notes from the Northern Virginia Brewfest

It's a recipe for disaster. My brother-in-law (who once got ejected from a Redskins game that we went to together), me without Kelly to keep me in line.... and tons of beer. It's a fine line... it COULD be tons of fun.... or it COULD be a complete debacle. Thankfully, in this case it was ridiculously fun.

Here's the deal... I volunteered to pour beer for the Northern Virginia Brewfest at Morven Park in Leesburg last weekend. I'm not sure why, really... it just sounded like it would be alot of fun. However, I knew it would be more fun with someone that would also be of the opinion that pouring beer all day Saturday was a great idea. That's where my brother-in-law came in. I called him at the last minute. The conversation went like this:

Me: "Hey, Bryan, I'm volunteering at this Brewfest thing in Leesburg... I'll be pouring beer all day... It sounds like fun to me... 50 or so breweries will be there and we'll man the kegs. I think we probably can drink free beer too."

Bryan: "I'm in."

So... that part was pretty easy. Once we were there, we lobbied hard to get assigned to pour a microbrew and not get stuck with Coors light or something lame-o like that. Thankfully, we got Magic Hat Brewery which is based out of Vermont. Bryan was pouring Circus Boy (a Hef/Wheat Beer) and I was pouring the (as I would soon find out) wildly popular Magic Hat #9. Well, once we got our assignment.... here's where we really got full of ourselves.

We immediately start talking everyone up... which is kind of hilarious. When you're pouring, what is essentially, free beer... You become an absolute Rock Star. The fun was in meeting people... we had different objectives, though. Bryan (who is happily single) starts flirting with any woman under 40 (just to make them feel good, he says) and that was his deal. I just wanted to talk to some new people. I wasn't looking to 'make friends' necessarily... because, in reality... I've got enough friends (and can barely keep up with them), so... having some disposable friends for the day that I don't have to invest time into is a great idea (as long as you've got "real" friends, too). No pretense, no deep dicscussions... just cheap talk about nothing in particular over a decent beer.

Anyway... now that we are everyone's new best friend, in pretty short order we started to develop quite a line.... which attracted even more people. We tell everyone that will listen, "#9... Best beer here... tell your friends" (I mean, we really should have been put on the payroll... we were pimping Magic Hat quite respectably) ... and follow that up with plenty of "cheers" and "enjoy" after pouring their beer. In between, we would ask to no one in particular.. .. "everyone having fun?!!" and, then occassionally and for no reason, yelling "#9!!!!" and then cracking each other up. Anyway, people were really into it.. talking to us like we were old friends... one guy even went and bought us food. At least 2 people took their pictures with us. We even had regulars! It was surreal.

Oh, and people just assumed we worked for Magic Hat. At first, we told them we were just volunteers.... after awhile though, we just went with it. We'd tell people... "Magic Hat and Ben & Jerry's.... that what we're known for in Vermont"... Others would come up and talk to us about a particular city in Vermont and say they just got back from there... we'd answer something nebulous like "Great! Did you enjoy it? Cool... NEXT in line!"

One girl (who clearly was a global warming freak) asked us about the Hummer that was on display next to us: "Oh, tell me you didn't drive that here!" Which I answered... "We're from Vermont... of course that's not ours." (because, you know, everyone in Vermont drives old Volvo's that are converted to run on recycled vegetable oil).

Anyway... as you've probably already figured out... we were SOOOOOOOOOO full of ourselves.... I can't quite pinpoint why it was so much fun... but it really was. I told Kelly that it was the most fun I could imagine having without her... in fact, for the next one... I'm going to make sure we can do it together. The only drawback is that I was, literally, pouring beer in my dreams.... which isn't so fun. All in all.. I can't wait for the next one (in October)... if you're up for it... join me... check out the website: http://www.novabrewfest.com/

The Rare Kelly Post

Ok, so Scott keeps bugging me to post a blog. He says that I'm not pulling my weight. And he's right. But what the heck am I supposed to write about? I am a mom to 3 young kids. I do pretty much the same thing every single day....serve meals, clean them up, bathe & dress kids, give hugs & kisses, read countless books, go to the park, visit the library and play. Any ideas? Is there anything you 10 readers out there want to know?

You gotta fight for your right....to Potty!

Tonight after 10 years of marriage... I finally found the approved time for me to take a swampy... yes.. that's right... the approved time. Here is a sample conversation that could happen at various times of the day...

Time: Morning Before Work
Me: "I need to take a dump"
Kelly: "Do you have to? We barely get to see you in the morning."

Time: On visit home during lunch break
Me: "I really have to poop..."
Kelly: "Awww... do you have to now... you never come home for lunch... I don't want you to spend it in the bathroom..."

Time: Immediately After work
Me: "I've got to ride the porcelain pony..."
Kelly: "Babe! Do you have to go now? You just got home and I need to cook dinner."

Time: Right after putting kids to bed
Me: "Time to drop the kids off at the pool... gotta go"
Kelly: "Do you have to go now? Why did you wait until now... we just put the kids to bed."

OK... you probably think I'm joking... I'm not. If it were up to Kelly... I'd probably be dead by now of some disease caused by not doing what you need to do... I really can't win... she wants me to go at work like "every other man does"... but... I'm just not an office pooper... I like the privacy of my own home. So... that leaves me to have to do my business at home...

Well.. anyway.... here's how the conversation went tonight:

Time: Kelly went to bed early
Kelly: "I'm going to bed."
Me: "I took a nap today, so I'm not tired at all... I'm going to take a swampy."
Kelly: "OOOOOHHH. That's when you can go! After I go to bed!"

Hold the phone... did I just hear her say that was the perfect time... didn't catch any grief? It can't be... certainly I heard her wrong.... but still when I gotta go... I'm going to go... that's right... I'm going to fight for my right to Potty... and I'm not going to apologize for it. Sometimes... you just gotta man up.

The Parable of the Lost Best Buy Gift Card

OK... so this isn't really a parable... but I thought it made a great blog title. Anyway, the best way to start this story is to rewind to last Christmas. I had received a $200 Best Buy gift card from one of the vendors we deal with at my company. You know the deal... you spend some money with them every year and they want to keep you happy... so they hook you up around Christmas time. In the past 8 years, I've received my share of gift baskets, cookies, Omaha Steaks, Starbucks coffee assortments, etc. -- they start arriving right after Thanksgiving and continue until New Years Day. It's kind of cool at first, but toward the end, you start pawning the cookie baskets and tea and crumpet sets off on the others in the office. One gift that I actually kept, however, was the aforementioned $200 Best Buy card.

The only problem is that I didn't really "need" anything from there. I bought "The Office" Season 2 DVD set and something else, but still had about $150 on it. So, I just hung on to it. Now, it's important to note that one of my pet peeves is having a huge wallet. I don't want a George Costanza sized wallet. I like to keep it as slim as possible. So, needless to say, I didn't bestow upon the Best Buy gift card the coveted real estate that is my wallet. Instead, I would just carry it around in my front pocket. Now this was around Christmas time, so I had some other Gift Cards in my pocket at the same time.... probably another $100 worth from Macy's and other similar places.

Kelly would always tell me to put them in my wallet... and.. well, you know... coveted real estate... so I never did. As usual, I should have listened to Kelly because after a month of carrying them around in my front pocket.... I lost them. They, literally, just disappeared. I looked everywhere for them.... but they were no where to be found. Now think about this for a second... if you had two $100 bills in your pocket one day and then you lost them the next... you would be bummed. And, I was a bummed... but I got over it pretty quickly though and moved on.

Now... to complete this story, I have to give you some more background. Four or five years ago, Kelly and I were laying around my in-laws house when I heard something jingle in the couch cushions. Instantly, I dove into the couch cushions to see what kind of treasure was to be found... and, boy... was I ever glad I did. We scavenged $10 or $12 bucks out of those seat cushions. Each time I dove my hand further into the cushions I would pull out more and more quarters and each time Kelly would squeal with delight. It was ridiculous... the money just kept flowing. I fed into the frenzy and would dig around and try to pull up 2 quarters... .and when I succeeded I would give my best game show announcing voice and proclaim:

"TTTTTTwwwwwwwwwoooooooooo Quarrrrrrrrrrrttttttterrrrrrrrrssssssss!!!!!"

Toward the end... tired from laughing so hard and excited about our $12 windfall... we gave up and forgot about cushion diving for many years.

Then, last week, while taking a little stroll down memory lane I decided to do a little digging (besides... times are tough.... gas prices are kind of high, you know?) in the in-laws cushions to see what I could find. At first, I just pulled out a couple of pennies... but I knew there had to be the holy grail of all cushion finds -- the quarter -- in there somewhere. So I dug a little further... and felt something strange. It felt like a couple of credit cards... intrigued I slowly pulled them from their cushion confinement and there it was..... the long forgotten Best Buy gift card along with the other's I had lost months ago!!!!!

AH... how great is that? I then did what any self-respecting veteran of cushion coin diving would do... and proclaimed:

"Twoooooooooooooooooooo Quarrrrrrrrrtttttttttttteeerrrrs!!!!!" Which, to a rookie, might sound odd... but to a vet.. you know that yelling "Two Quarters" is the equivalent of "TOUCHDOWN!" no matter what you it is you might find... even a gift card.

You should have seen Kelly. She was so proud of her man (as she should be... I mean... have you ever pulled $200 worth of your own gift cards out of your in-laws furniture before??? I think not). So, anyway... moral of the story... check your in-laws seat cushions next time you visit and pray that you score BIG... just like I did.

Notes from the Week

A bunch of stuff went on last week... nothing completely 'blog-worthy', unfortunately. So, here's some news and comment from last week:

"Transformers" Trip: Every year, our church gets a group of guys together and we go on this trip rebuilding homes (putting on roofs, redoing drywall, building handicap ramps, etc). First off, the name of this trip would be enough for me to normally just say "no thanks"... I mean, I was never much into watching Star Wars or other such sci-fi movies as a kid (or now for that matter). Never once played Dungeon & Dragons... and while other kids were playing with their "transformers".... I was usually playing ball... so... needless to say... the word "transformers" immediately draws a negative reaction. However, don't let the name fool you. Tools are involved, my friends... and when tools are involved... count me in.... regardless of whatever name they may attach to it. It really was a great time and can't wait to go again next year.

My main observation is the interesting dynamic between guys that don't know each other. There is a cycle that we go through... and it's a very different cycle from women. For example, throw a bunch of women that have never met each other or just barely know each other in a 4 hour van trip. They will immediately be a bit stand-offish, but eventually enter into a painfully slow "getting to know you" process. This could take upwards of a decade.

Now, contrast that with a bunch of dudes in a similar situation (as was the case on this trip). The process goes something like this:

• Immediate Search for Common Ground: Guys move quickly to claim some common ground. That's why we immediately go to such things as our occupation, sports, politics, family lives, etc. This process can take about 2 to 5 minutes -- tops. Once common ground is firmly established (usually once we get to "sports"), we move to the next step.
• Serious Conversation: Theological discussions, difficult political issues, our fears and vulnerabilities with our families... these are some of the things we might discuss in phase 2 of this process, which takes the longest to complete.. about 15 minutes to a 1/2 hour. Once we get the serious conversation under our belt, we move to the next phase... which is...
• Making Fun of Each Other: This is the final and most crucial step to developing lifelong friendships. Guys are simply incapable of having a lifelong friendship if we don't move past "serious conversation"... at some point... we have to move on to busting on one another. If you find a friend that you can joan on and they can give it back... you've got a friend for life. I think this is probably the biggest difference between guys and girls. When I see these guys again in the parking lot at church, for example... I could totally yell out to them... "What's up Fat Boy!" and it would totally make them feel great. Now, if Kelly did the same and yelled "What's up Fat Girl!".... ya.. you get the idea... she'd have no girlfriends anymore. So, needless to say, the fourth and final step is...
• Lifelong Friendship: That's right... a lifelong friend can be made in 2 hours or less if you're a guy. Now, we won't call each other or email... sometimes for years.... but when we see each other again after those years... we'll ask "What did you do last night?" instead of "Tell me everything you've done over the last 700+ days". That way, we just pretend those 2 years never happened. It really works out well. Women of the world... you should try it... really.

Redskins Season Tickets: Well, it's official. Kelly and I are Redskins season ticket holders. Section 419, Row 15.... not the greatest seats in the place... but they are OUR seats... and that's all that matters. I can now check this off the list of things I want to do before I die. The other things on that list are: hmmmm..... I don't really have that list yet... check back in a few blog postings -- maybe I'll have something by then.

Sierra Nevada Summer Ale: Ah... such a delightful, summer crisp beer... you may recall I was lamenting the fact that gas prices were so high and how I bought an inferior brew last time out. Well, when I got back from the Transformers trip, Kelly had a six pack of this manna from heaven waiting for me in the fridge. What a wonderful surprise. A good, cold six pack of beer is a man's version of "flowers"... only with a much better function than "they just look pretty." Big ups to Kelly for being so thoughtful.

Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger Woods: I will be on the Volunteer Committee for the AT&T National Golf Tournament at the Congressional Golf Course in July. "Volunteer Committee" is a fancy way of saying I'll be free labor. But... this is TOTALLY worth it. This is a Tiger Woods tournament. I went last year as a regular ticket buying customer... but this year... I'll be working the players driving range. Not sure what all this entails... but... whatever... I'll be right there with some of the best players in the game... Tiger Woods, Ernie Els, Phil Mickelson, Vijay Singh, etc., etc., etc. As is my custom when I'm around "famous" people (or, more likely in my case, elected officials or TV political pundits), I'll completely ignore them and pretend that I belong there just as much as they do. I'll let you know how that goes.

Well, that's all for now. Hopefully, something really interesting and/or entertaining will happen in our lives so that I can post something better... keep checking back.... it's only a matter of time.