I yell during Redskins games. If you are a Redskins fan, you know why. It's been 16 years of painful football. Just awful season after awful season. So... I yell at the TV. The kids get a kick out of it and ask constantly "Why does daddy talk to the TV?" Even they, at their young age, understand that this is an exercise in futility.

Well, anyway, today Reagan was watching the 2nd half of today's installment of God-Awful Redskins football with me. (Brief tangent: I absolutely love when she watches the game with me. For one, it keeps me calm and helps me put things in perspective. Yes, I root for the worst football team in America. But, at the end of the day, it's just football and when the game is over, I still have my beautiful family to cheer me up.)

So, when Reagan came down, the first thing she did was draw me a picture and showed it to me proudly. It was this picture:



I took a look at it and told her how great it was and thanked her profusely, not really knowing what it was. She never bothered to explain it either.... she just handed it to me.

Anyway... Reagan was around, so I was on my best behavior and not yelling at the TV. Then, the Redskins did something dumb (of course they did... it's what they do best) and I spontaneously yelled something at the TV.

Just then, Reagan got a big smile on her face and grabbed the picture and put it in front of me... and then I realized what the picture was...

It's me yelling at the TV. Hilarious. At least she drew it with a smile on my face.

The Annual Christmas Card

It's that time of the year again. That duty of the Christmas season that I put off and put off and keep making excuses to my wife as to why I can't do it. That's right... it's time to take our annual Christmas picture for the Christmas card.

It wasn't always this difficult. When we first got married.... it was just the two of us. The digital photography revolution was not yet upon us. We would set up our old school film camera on the self-timer, take a handful of pictures and hope for the best.

Then, sometime before we had kids, we made the move to a digital camera. Now, in all fairness to Kelly... this was completely my doing. I wanted a new gadget and the digital camera just seemed like too cool of a thing to NOT have.... so... with much coaxing, Kelly finally approved the purchase. It was the December following that purchase when I started to dread the "Christmas" picture. Gone were the days of snapping a couple of pictures and hoping for the best.... because, now... you see... thanks to digital technology, Kelly had perfection within her grasp. And if there is one thing I know about Kelly... it's that if perfection is actually an attainable attribute... she's going to not just "strive" for it.... but insist on it (hence the reason she married me, of course).

So, what started to occur was the taking of picture after picture after picture until "perfection" was achieved. In actuality, all of the pictures would look the same to me... because... well, you know, they would be of the same 2 people over and over again.... and, I'm no Derek Zoolander....I've only got one smile. Maybe I'm just not that perceptive... but it seemed to me that we would take 20 shots and, in the end, just go with the first one anyway.

Then, of course, we added kids to the mix which made the task increasingly difficult (you trying getting 3 kids under the age of 5 and an easily distracted Dad to look at a camera that's set on a self-timer.... it's not so easy). But I love my wife dearly and it's important to her... so I happily oblige (after I've exhausted all my excuses) when Kelly is ready to take it.

Now, for this year's picture, Kelly would like me to point out that it ws over and done with only 3 shots -- a fact for which I am grateful (I'd like to take some credit for that because once we take one that Kelly sort of likes, I ride it like Seabiscuit and talk about how good it is... because, again, every picture looks the same to me). Also, I should have pointed out that we've gone to great lengths to try to make our Christmas card somewhat entertaining.... we've done top 10 lists, goofy newsletters, etc. This year, the card lists our top 10 reasons "the faircloth five will become the faircloth six in 2009". I think it achieves the lofty goal I've set for myself of "mildly amusing."

One small problem, however. Though we ordered the cards over a week ago they have yet to be printed and Kelly is now stressing out that the cards ordered with this year's picture are not going to get here in time. To me, this isn't a concern... we'll just mail them when we get them and if our friends and family get them after Christmas.... no big deal. Besides, it's only the 9th and there's plenty of time for them to arrive. But, apparently, the earth just might stop spinning if that scenario were to occur.... so we must avoid that at all costs.

I actually called the place today and, after waiting on hold for a half hour, had a nice chat with them. They assure me they will be here in time. So, if you're reading this, it's probably safe to assume you are on the Faircloth Christmas card list. Let me assure you (because I'm sure you've been just worrying yourself sick about this) that you have not been deleted from our Christmas card list. You will receive your Faircloth Christmas card.... you will one day have that sinking feeling you get when your Faircloth Christmas Card does not arrive in your mailbox replaced with pure joy.... and you will one day find out the "Top 10 reasons the Faircloth Five will become the Faircloth Six in 2009"...

And when that day comes... look at that picture of our family... of my gorgeous wife... my beautiful kids.... and, of course, of me.... and know that at that very moment that picture was taken... I'm praying that this picture will be the "one" deemed worthy enough by my bride to appear on our annual Christmas card.