I've always thought "Trekkies" and "Star Wars" nerds were pretty pathetic. I mean, seriously... they dress up just like their favorite characters, wear spock ears, or even Princess Leia hair (see, I don't even know how to spell her name correctly). They go to "Conventions" just so that they can see the actors and get autographs. They stand in line for hours and sometimes camp out in line to be the first to see the movie released. In my mind, I have no doubt these losers would pee in their pants if they ever got up close to a life sized model of the Millenium Falcon. That's pretty lame.
I mean, going to a "Draft" party at FedEx Field (Home of the Redskins for those that don't know) is so much more "normal". Yes, I dressed up my family in the gear of our favorite players... including Will (my 5 month old). Yes, I sang along to a song that implores my team to "Run or Pass and Score, we want alot more!" -- even though the team wasn't even playing... thus rendering the lyrics complete meaningless. And, Yes, I braved traffic that turned a 45 minute drive into a hour and a half of slugging it out on the beltway. Oh, yes... my behavior is SO much more normal. More pictures of my completely normal, non lame-o behavior posted here.
So, on tuesday night, I was playing softball... doing something I love to do. It had been a really stressful day at work, so it was good to get out and run around and burn off some steam. Then, next thing you know... I ended up in the hospital for a delightful one night/one day stay.
Here's how it went down: Game was going well... it was the first game of the year... so I was a little rusty. Did some good things, did some not-so-good things... but, mostly... it was a good start to the year... then, all of the sudden, my heart started beating out of rhythm and at an extremely rapid pace (measured 178 at the emergency room) and I got lightheaded (well, that would be an understatement).
So, I dropped to one knee to avoid passing out... which, I felt was a very real possibility... anyway.. I got myself together and drove myself to the emergency room. Now, it's important to note that I stupidly ignored all of the offers from guys on the team to drive me there... I decided to man up and drive myself there.... DUMB considering I felt I was going to pass out a couple of times on the ride there. Ladies... you wouldn't understand. Guys... to a man... you probably would have driven yourself, too. I mean... I wasn't bleeding. All my limbs were intact... and I could still talk and stuff... so... why should anyone drive me? (in retrospect... I should have taken them up on the offer.)
Anyway... I get to the emergency room... and, unlike other times I've been there (stiches for the kids and other similar events) they took me back right away and hooked me up to every tube, IV, and injection in the place...seriously... they must have had to order more after I left. I could be a man and say this didn't scare me a bit... but... it scared me... just a little. Just a teensie-weensie bit. The smallest unit allowable of worry.
Anyway...they tried tons of things to try to get it in a normal pattern.... including stopping my heart.... twice! So, friends....let me be as humble and understated as I can be by saying that.... much like a Superhero... I cheated death... not once... but twice. Heretofore, I ask that you address me as Superscott (in humble reverence, of course)... I simply will not answer to any other name. Now, they didn't tell me that they were going to stop my heart... because... I would have done everything in my power (as other patients probably would) to convince them that's a bad idea... because.. you know, to me.. the non-doctor... a beating heart (albeit an abnormally beating heart) is way better than one that's not beating. So, for a period of 3 seconds and then again for a period of 5 seconds... the Faircloth ticker was flat-lined.... they even showed me (with a little more excitement than I'd prefer, actually) the little graph printout from the heart monitor machine where it went flat. I AM kicking myself now for not getting a print out of that so I could put it on the blog! Crap! Obviously, I had other things on my mind at the time... but that's no excuse... I failed you, faithful readers. Next time.... NEXT TIME... I won't make that mistake. I'll remove the nose thing and mouth thing and kindly ask: "Could I trouble you to make a copy of that for me?".... then I'll put all the tubes and stuff back in.
Anyway.... nothing the doctors tried worked... later on Wednesday with my heart still doing odd things, they put me out and shocked my heart (kind of like a defibrillator) and that, thankfully did the trick. Which, by the way, stopped the heart for a third time... thus living up to my newly self-acquired name of Superscott. So, for those keeping score.. the final tally for the day:
Early on in my "career" I received a call from a producer at NBC with a generous offer for me to appear on Hardball with Chris Matthews. Being extremely distrustful of the mainstream media and Chris Matthews, in particular, I graciously (and smartly) ignored the calls until they went away (which in our "microwave" news cycle took only about 15 minutes). I knew full well that I was ill-equipped to face the firing squad on an issue that I was not prepared to defend, let alone an issue that I felt passionately about (I'll spare you the details). And I'm not alone in my distrust of the media -- the ratings dominance of FoxNews is pretty telling in on that note.
However, even with the emergence of "Conservative" media in the last decade, the liberal media bias is still in full swing. Thankfully, there is one organization in Washington that inventories all of the instances of liberal bias and reminds me time and time again that despite the gains of the last decade... the fight isn't over. That group is the Media Research Center.
The best thing about MRC is that each year they have a "Dis-Honors" award ceremony that pokes fun at some of the more blatant biases of the media. Here is an example of one of the awards:
Well, anyway... Kelly and I had the privilege of attending this event for the 2nd time since our arrival in DC -- and I can say... unequivocally... that this is the best "dinner" event in town. And, I've been to my fair share of these things over the last 8 years. Kelly, by the way, was smokin' hot. The most beautiful woman in the room, by far. Now, keep in mind, she just had a baby 4 months ago... didn't matter one bit... still smokin'. People are going to start wondering why she married a bum like me. Here's a picture of us before we headed out:
OK... so I shouldn't go into too many details because I, by necessity, have to keep work out of this blog as much as possible.... and this dinner certainly blurs the lines between work and home. Anyway.... it was a fun night... the only information worth reporting was on the drive there... and here's the revelation I had from that:
IT IS HUMANLY IMPOSSIBLE TO KEEP 3 WOMEN HAPPY ON A DRIVE INTO DC!!!!
Here's the story: Kelly, of course, rode with me... but I also took my boss's wife and another co-worker -- all females. Big mistake. First, I'll address my boss's wife.... other than dealing with the obvious stress of driving your boss's wife (you know of ensuring she arrives all in one piece) -- she was NO problem at all. No complaints... received nothing but encouragement from her.
Secondly, there was Kelly. Kelly gets chronically car sick. Well, we get right into the heart of DC when Kelly decides she can't take it anymore and is going to barf. She asked me to pull over. Well, problem is... duh.... we are in the heart of DC and there isn't exactly many places to pull over. She literally wants me to pull over in the middle of traffic and switch seats with her so that she can drive. Well, anyway... I manage to find a spot to pull over and we switch seats and Kelly drives us the rest of the way (a couple of miles). Except, without me there, Kelly would have been honked at and barked at and ran so many red lights it would have been ridiculous. That was the most stressful part for me... but, at least, she didn't barf on her dress.
Lastly, there was my other co-worker. I'll leave out her name to protect the innocent. She was the worst back seat drive I have EVER encountered. I have suspended her from future rides in the Blue Patriot... she is officially persona non grata. She must earn my trust back.... Until then... no more rides is my luxury Ford Fusion. Let it be known right here and now... back seat drivers need not apply for rides in the Faircloth Fusion.
OK... so, that's it for now... poke around on the video website above if you want to see more about the dinner. It was fun and you might find some of the awards entertaining.
This hat is the product of disposable income. You spend the first part of your adult life just trying to make it. To put food on the table and a roof over the heads of you and your bride.... depriving yourself of your "wants" and focusing solely on your "needs." You pinch every penny to stretch your paycheck as far as it can possibly go.
Then, one day... you start making money... real money. Then next thing you know, you're walking through Walmart and something just calls your name. Something you can't possibly live without. Something worth spending $10 on. It would have seen silly before... but now, friends... you have disposable income. You finally decide to reward yourself with that item you love... that item you can't possible live without. This weekend, I made my disposable income dreams come true... I am now the proud owner of my very own "Bubba" hat.
